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I am going through an emotionally intense time (ydf.astrology.com) and its CRAZY because everything that the website says, I AM GOING THROUGH at this moment.

Like it says that pretty much this year, I need to focus on myself. I have to be my own priority. No matter what. And already, not but 19 days into the year, I was faced with my first REMINDER, that this year is suppose to be all about ME!

My "boo"has been refusing to answer his phone when I call him on the weekends. Especially Saturdays. He has been obviously and blatantly ignoring me. AND I HATE IT!!! And I've tried talking to him about it. FAIL. Ive tried showing him I was mad in an attempt that he would see how this affects me and he would stop. FAIL. So I warned him that my next approach, he would not like. I decided to stop caring. But I quickly realized that with him, it is easier said than done. Because of the fact that I actually do care, its hard to turn it off at this point.

And the more that I tried to not care this weeekend, the more I realized I did. And I started thinking about WHY I was really mad. Like is the issue really him not answering his phone, or is it something else? And after a VERY LONG WEEKEND to myself, I realized that the underlying issue is the fact that I do not have a life. I was depending on other people's company, and I realize that I can't do that. He has a life outside of me and I can't be selfish or demanding. I realize now that I can be demanding, but he can't fault me because I was used to spending all my weekend time with him, and now all of sudden, things are changing.

Like this all comes down to a bunch of stuff. Like everything stems from him answering his phone, and so I wanted to blame him for my loneliness. Which he can take partial blame for because he has a responsibility as my boo. But I can't fully blame everything on him. He has a life outside of me. And I realize that now. I have a life outside of him as well, but its just work. So after work, its whatever. But now that I realize that, we can probably get over this snag in our progression. Cause hopefully thats the only reason he's been avoiding me, because he thinks Im mad at him, and hes not gonna answer until he is ready to hear what he thinks I have to say. Cause I can see the tension building, like we recently almost argued over what flavor ice cream to buy, and thats not good...

Imma shock the shit out of him with this revelation, cause just his luck, its works out for him. THIS TIME.

Boo-1, Megan-0.

For Now...

And this is what my year will entail of...Wanting to blame other people for my problems, and then realizing that it is something within myself that I must change. WISH ME LUCK!! Me and emotions dont mix very well together. I can't deal with them, and the only way I know how to not let stuff bother me, is to not care. And now that I think about it, my boo is the exact same way...NOT TOO GOOD. Something is going to have to give, we can't walk around not caring about everything when we obviously care. WISH ME LUCK (again) cause relationships are new to me also. Im scared Imma fail, but thats another blog entry...