Progression

Thats always a good thing. I have decided that LOVE is going to be the motivation. I have a very huge list of things that I would LOVE to do or experience in life. I am in the process of trying to sort things out so that I can start accomplishing this long list of things I want to do and experience. From all different types of standpoints; career, love, traveling, family and so forth. I am not concerned with trying to be this larger than life person who makes this great big difference in the world. I'm more concerned with doing something that I love, and I guess if thats what happens as a result of it, then I'll take that.

I just want to be me, and have fun and experience life. I want to enjoy life first, and do and be with those things that will allow me to do that.  That is the main goal. Good times and stories to tell the grandkids is very important to me. I want to live the life that I have imagined. I want to be the person that God intended me to be. I am working hard on that.

Doing the "right" thing is very hard when everyone around you is doing the "wrong" thing and getting the results that you would damn near die to have. And what makes it even harder to bare is knowing that people work so hard to get what they say they want, and then won't even enjoy it. Or people who know there is something better for them, but won't do what they need to do to get it. Its very frustrating and defeating.

I try to not be so concerned with what everyone else is out here doing. I can only control myself. And everything just is what it is. I keep telling myself I need to just do me, but its hard when I'd rather do him. Thats kind of on a whole different subject, but that is a lot of my problem now. Him. Boy if I had one of those MIB flashy things I would have definitely used it by now. I am trying to remain open minded, but its hard when I know EXACTLY what I want, but I can't have it because its not my decision to make. And I don't necessarily want to influence the decision by doing anything, I want minds to be made up on their own. To me that is the better outcome because that way no one can say that I had anything to do with it.

And while I'm just rambling, I just want things to come to an end now. I feel it all coming to some type of conclusion soon, and I like to hope that I have proven myself enough, but you never know what someone else is thinking. I've given it to God and as of lately, I see a little promise for the future, but again, nothing definitive that I can say with absolute certainty, so therefore, I try to pay it no mind. I like to base my decisions on truth and fact, not what people think or opinions or even what they say or do. I would need a clear cut sign that this is the desired outcome before I can proceed with Him any further. I'm not asking to be married tomorrow, I just want some type of commitment. Something letting me know that he is serious this time, and not just saying shit cause it sound nice. Cause I can tell thats the type of shit he on, and thats not where I feel he need to be if he gone ever do what he know he need to do.

But I digress, "Whoever said progress was a slow process wasn't talking about me..." I pay attention to shit and I feel like the universe is gonna make sure I find out everything I need to know for me.

Love is the Motivation. Progression is the Desired Result. Enjoying Life is the Main Goal.