I'm Back!

Did you miss me or miss my raps bitch? -Gucci.

WHATS GOOD?!? I'm currently talking to myself I'm sure but let me tell you, it feels good to be back. Back in the sense of feeling like myself again. Back in the sense of me returning from a place but being exactly where I need to be. That place meaning a previous state of mind. A state of mind that was not working out for me and the life I want to live. A life of love. Loving everything in my world and letting go of whats not working for me anymore. Life. Live and you learn is right.

I'm so excited to say that I feel more like the real me. I'm not fighting myself anymore. My heart and mind have come to terms and have decided to compromise. FINALLY. It didn't happen over night, thats for damn sure. I'm in a good place right now. My social life SUCKS, but that was pretty expected. Whenever I feel like I'm doing good and making progress in life, I always feel alone. Its weird. I'm never on the same page with my friends. Which probably is a sign that I need to get new friends. Which is a totally different subject that I don't know if I want to even get started on right now. I might be back to that.

But its amazing to me how strangers can be more of a support system at times. I feel better telling people I don't know about whats going on with me because they actually seem happy for me. I get tired of tryna brainstorm with people and their only feedback is why it wouldn't work. I appreciate the concerns but I'm not afraid of hard work and effort. The fact that it might be too much work doesn't move me. I can handle the work. I just need to feel like my hard work and effort will be worth it. Are people gonna support me? Am I gonna make the profits I'm looking to make? Am I gonna make a difference in people's lives? Are people gonna get my loving message? Those are the questions that concern me.

I'm currently in Entrepreneurial school. Its more of a program that helps equip you to start your own small business, but I call it school cause they give me homework. Which I still haven't done; I've never been a fan of homework. I'm tryna get my life together. I decided I will be a philanthropist and entrepreneur. And thats narrowing it down for me. God has definitely been connecting me with the resources I need. I pray I take advantage of what will really help me in the long run. I gotta start setting time aside to really focus on what I want to do. I'm an ideas person so I always have an idea for something, its bringing to to fruition where imma need some work. I think working on getting things out of my head and written down in a business plan will help tremendously.

Back to my social life though, can we say damn near non-existent? lol. My one female friend I was hanging out with on a normal basis crossed the friendship line so I had to let her go. I still feel some kind of way about it but I don't need well-wishing, friendly acting, envy-hiding snakes around me. I don't need crabs in a barrel tryna pull me down to their level. I'm really tryna actively do something with my life. And not just have fun, but set my future self up in a good position where I don't have to worry about money and things. Where I can have a peace of mind and trust those around me. I gotta have that. I don't function properly when I'm not feeling the love or at least respect. I don't take well to be disrespected and I don't care who you are, I will shut down and it will be wrap for you on my end. It is what it is. I didn't make the decision to stop being friends, it was made for me. Its a loss but I think it was a much needed one. For my sake. Long over due, according to anybody who knew our relationship.

Feelings get the best of people which is why I always encourage talking and trying to stay on the same page. But I can't make people be honest with me. I can't make people express how they really feel. I can't make anyone do shit. All I can do is deal accordingly and my way of dealing with things I can't change is to distance myself. You can't talk to a brick wall and expect it to respond back. I've learned that. And even though I don't wear my heart on my sleeve, I cannot hide how I'm feeling. Its gonna come out. I don't like dealing with things in sneaky, underhanded ways. I'd rather talk about it and deal with the truth. Good karma over everything.

But Long post short, Life is Good. I woke up this morning. I made it to my job. I have my health. My fam is good. Fun is in the air. God loves me and I love him more. I have everything I need. Time to kick it up a notch and show out a little bit just because I can.

You ready God, lets go get em!!!!!!!

LOVE.