Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Little Black Book

"If we are to share our lives together, why didn't we share our lives? I know you don't have to tell me everything, but why wouldn't you want too?"

I've always thought that was one of the realest movie quotes I have ever heard. It made perfect sense, especially in the setting of the movie, but in life and love, as well. Why don't we want people to know how we really feel? Why are feelings these big secrets that we aren't suppose to share with others? In my experience, feelings can be wonderful or they can be devastating. In the realm of love, its usually either Love or Hate. When everything is good, everything is great. But when things are going bad, everything seems to be doomed forever. We don't even recognize that we do not have these feelings because of other people, we have these feelings because of things within ourself. Because of the thoughts we think. And these thoughts create the feelings that we experience, and determine whether we will have good feelings about something or bad.

Which is why a lot of times in relationships, we are scared to express our feelings because we are not taught to be emotional. Women are given more leeway in the realm of emotions, but control has always been key. How many times have somebody said something to you and you think what gives this person the right to say that to me? But they have every right, because that is how they were feeling. Good or bad. But you also have every right to let them know how you feel as well. It goes both ways, but we have been conditioned that we should treat people nicely, no matter what. And that is where the issues begin. Nobody has any right to dump on someone because they are feeling some type of way. And you don't have to take it. You can speak up because there is nothing wrong with defending yourself.

That is the basic principle that they do not teach us, because they do not want us to know. If we let people know how we feel, then we start to feel better about ourselves. And when people feel better about themselves, they want to do better for themselves. It is no wonder there are so many institutions that were designed to keep people feeling like they have no choice. And Love is no different. We stay with people because we feel like we have no choice or either because we fear losing them. And we do this only because we are afraid to express how we really feel about a situation, in fear of the negative consequences, or because we do not want to expose our true self to others. But if you really love someone, why wouldn't you want them to know the real you? Why work so hard to pretend to be something that you are not, when you can effortlessly be yourself? You know what you want, you know what you like, you know what you can deal with, and what you can not. Why do we leave it up to other people to try and make us happy when we are the ones who know exactly what makes us happy? Happiness is not something you should have to work at or sacrifice for to achieve. Happiness should be something within yourself that you always have, no matter what goes on outside of you.

To survive in life, we have to do things that we would not chose to do on our own. Working a job that we hate to buy the things that we need is one major thing many people have to learn to deal with. Nobody ever fully accepts anything that they have to do, they only deal with it. They focus on the aspects that appeal to them, and try to avoid the ones that remind them of how much they would rather be doing something else. You never forget what you want to do. Your wants may change, but you will never be happy doing something you did not want to do. You can be satisfied and have moments of happiness, but you will not be happy in spirit. And everyone has their threshold of how long they can hold out on their happiness, but eventually your spirit will reach its breaking point. Which is why you hear about men who go through mid-life crisis, and up and leave their families with no explanation. Their spirit couldn't take being denied happiness anymore, and it forced them to make changes.

Life is all about learning from mistakes, not avoiding them or ignoring the message that the universe is trying to send you. Your first instinct is what you should always go with. You have doubts because you have fear. You can't go wrong when making decisions that come from a place of love for yourself first, and then for others. You really do have to know how to love yourself before you can really love and be able to share your life with someone else. You cannot be afraid, if you are going to love, you have to love with everything you got. You can't second guess anything, you have to know you are ready to be yourself, so you can allow the person you are with to be them self, and you can both be comfortable with sharing your selves with each other.


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