Thats actually a good sigh. Like a breath of fresh air. For the past couple of months I have been what I call "Rolling Stoning." Just pretty much doing what the fuck I want to do. I had to get a way and clear my mind and refocus and recenter. Im getting there. Learning something different about myself everyday. I always joke with my mother about turning into the "into the wild" guy, but I would seriously consider doing something like that. But not to that extreme.
These past couple of months have made me realize even more that I DO NOT want to work for anybody else. If I am going to be slaving, day in and day out, living paycheck to paycheck, and barely making it, I want all that hard work to be put into establishing something of my own. I say something because I haven't gotten that far in my transformation. Baby steps, baby steps.
Its funny because Im actually beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Like the lightbulb finally came on. And I realized that everything I was doing beforehand was me just doing something so that people would not be bothering me about "what Im doing with my life." But now I don't care. Like really. I didn't care before but Im respectful, and I was trying to please other people because I used to think that sometimes its just better to go ahead and do what somebody asks of you instead of not doing it and have to hear about it FOREVER.
But fuck all that. I am only responsible for pleasing one person in life, and thats me. I didn't say God because he knows our relationship, and pleasing myself is akin to pleasing him. I know that in life I just want to be happy. If I can wake up every morning and not have to force a smile on my face then Im happy. Nothing in this world is permanent. Whats here today, may be gone tomorrow. So I enjoy life's moments and make the best of every situation thats placed before me.
Nothing is going the way I want it to in my life. Ive been looking for a job for the past 3 months with no luck. Ive had a couple of bullshit jobs but they were not something that I wanted to do, so I didn't do it. Simple as that. And I have a job offer back home waiting for me but I honestly dont want to take it because Im just going to be going back and doing exactly what I was doing when I left. And I left home mainly because I was tired of the same old shit and I didn't want to get stuck. And if I go back I feel like I am going to be stuck.
I found out the other day that the only guy that I actually like, may have a girlfriend. MAYBE. Too much facebooking put me in a bad position because now I don't know what to do with him. I can't ask him about it because he doesnt know that I know. Because of course he didn't tell me he had a girlfriend, but I know for a fact that Ive been talking to him longer than her. But he made her the girlfriend, not me. But if he still talks to me while he alledgely has a girlfriend, then do I really even wanna be the girlfriend? And then I don't know if I wanna keep talking to him because I do like him but I don't want to put myself in a position where I might get hurt. Its complicated. And long and drawn out. And I don't even like talking to guys who have girlfriends because I believe in karma and I want to have a good boyfriend some day.
I don't have my car anymore. I really don't have anything. The only thing that I can say that I own is my cellphone. Its pretty much all I have to show for myself, as far as material things go. And its crazy because I don't care. I knew that I had to fall off, so that I could build myself back up. And thats the process that Im in right now, building myself back up. But this time being smarter about the decisions I make. Because in the past Ive made decisions based off how I was feeling at the moment. And at that moment, I didn't a fuck about school, when everything in my life was built on my being in school. But I didn't care and therefore I didn't achieve to the best of my ability and Im paying for it now. Which is fine, because at least I can say that I did what I wanted to do. CARTE BLANCHE.
At the end of the day, I want to be able to say I lived my life how I wanted to. Thats all I want.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Saturday, February 28, 2009
In My Mind
How You Gone Bench Your Star Player??
(This is for all guys, in words they can understand, who have or had a good girl in their life and just didn't realize it or took way too long.)
She was repping for the team when it had the worst record in franchise history.
When everyone else seemed to lack motivation, she was playing hard in the paint for you every night.
Never was late for or even missed practice for any reason.
In fact, you would find her coming in early or leaving late just so she could practice her free throws and lay-ups.
She has the mentality that "offense sells tickets, but defense wins games," so she doesn't focus on the losses, its all about the team, and her game.
And it eventually pays off, and the team starts winning games, but thats also about the same time everything starts to change.
Winning makes you greedy because you're constantly hungry for the attention that comes along with it.
You win one, you wanna win another.
Losing becomes your last option.
So you start trying things out and moving people around, thinking that it is better for the franchise.
Now everybody wants to be the star player.
Everybody wants to come in early and leave late.
With so many new options, you can make so many more new plays that you hope will win you more games, cause it is all about winning right?
But what about losing your former star player?
The one who was down to represent the franchise when nobody else cared.
The one who was always on point from day one of being apart of the team.
You had your very own Lebron James.
You inadvertently made your former top starter, your number one bench warmer.
Reducing her playing time, making her sub in and out only when the other players don't care about playing up to their full potential.
Those players don't care about the team, they are their for the side show.
They want the groupies, and VIP club access. They don't appreciate the team.
So now your star player feels like her efforts are in vain.
It is no need for her to try anymore because when she does you still treat her the same.
But don't worry about your star player because they're all pretty smart.
While you think she's still repping, she's discussing trade options to be star player for someone else's franchise team.
Whether you realize it or not, she understands that "offense sells tickets, but defense wins games."
Its like how Kobe can drop 50 points in a half easy, but his team still lose the game.
Cause without a Shaq to block shots, you won't get a championship ring.
And by the 4th quarter, Game 7 of the Finals, you're gonna wish you had a star player on your team.
(This is for all guys, in words they can understand, who have or had a good girl in their life and just didn't realize it or took way too long.)
She was repping for the team when it had the worst record in franchise history.
When everyone else seemed to lack motivation, she was playing hard in the paint for you every night.
Never was late for or even missed practice for any reason.
In fact, you would find her coming in early or leaving late just so she could practice her free throws and lay-ups.
She has the mentality that "offense sells tickets, but defense wins games," so she doesn't focus on the losses, its all about the team, and her game.
And it eventually pays off, and the team starts winning games, but thats also about the same time everything starts to change.
Winning makes you greedy because you're constantly hungry for the attention that comes along with it.
You win one, you wanna win another.
Losing becomes your last option.
So you start trying things out and moving people around, thinking that it is better for the franchise.
Now everybody wants to be the star player.
Everybody wants to come in early and leave late.
With so many new options, you can make so many more new plays that you hope will win you more games, cause it is all about winning right?
But what about losing your former star player?
The one who was down to represent the franchise when nobody else cared.
The one who was always on point from day one of being apart of the team.
You had your very own Lebron James.
You inadvertently made your former top starter, your number one bench warmer.
Reducing her playing time, making her sub in and out only when the other players don't care about playing up to their full potential.
Those players don't care about the team, they are their for the side show.
They want the groupies, and VIP club access. They don't appreciate the team.
So now your star player feels like her efforts are in vain.
It is no need for her to try anymore because when she does you still treat her the same.
But don't worry about your star player because they're all pretty smart.
While you think she's still repping, she's discussing trade options to be star player for someone else's franchise team.
Whether you realize it or not, she understands that "offense sells tickets, but defense wins games."
Its like how Kobe can drop 50 points in a half easy, but his team still lose the game.
Cause without a Shaq to block shots, you won't get a championship ring.
And by the 4th quarter, Game 7 of the Finals, you're gonna wish you had a star player on your team.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
25 Random Things About Me
Ive seen millions of people doing this on Facebook, here is mine:
1. I LOVE taking HOT showers. They are so refreshing.
2. Ive been crying a lot lately, which is 100% times more than usual, since Im not a cryer AT ALL. But I've actually been crying in a way that is helping me, if that makes sense. Sometimes a good cry helps.
3. I haven't had a Valentine since the 7th grade, which is equivalent to not having a Valentine at all because it doesn't really count
4. I put on this front that I don't care about alot of stuff especially when it comes to guys, but I usually do. But from the self-fulfilling prophecy idea, I figure that if I tell myself I don't care, then eventually I won't. And it works because eventually I end up not caring forreal.
5. I have never seen my father a day in my life. Never talked to him. I used to know what his name was but over the years I forgot. And I can honestly say that I don't really care.
6. Im a Mama's Girl.
7. I just started tearing up as Im writing this. I don't even know why. lol
8. Ever since this guy I met died in a freak accident, I worry that things like that are going to happen to my family and friends.
9. I hate college. Never liked it. Never felt like it was anything other than the next step after high school.
10. But I regret not fully participating in the college experience. I should have went to a black school
11. I hate UNC for my own personal reasons and I refuse to wear any of my Carolina clothing or Carolina blue at all for that matter. And I vow never to step foot in Chapel Hill again once I graduate.
12. Yes, I haven't graduated. And at this point, I don't really care whether I do or not. But I will, only because it would devastate my mother if I didn't.
13. I hate when people insinuate stuff about me that is completely out of my character. For example, this guy asked me if I was playing on his phone, and I got mad. Because I don't even like talking on the phone, number 1, and playing on the phone is some childish ass shit that Im just too grown to be doing.
14. Speaking of guys, I hate when they assume that Im going to act just like the little childish ass girls they are used to dealing with, and so they treat me and talk to me as such. Fuck that. Im not a dumb female AT ALL. Im smart, for future reference.
15. The greatest thing a guy has ever said to me was, "I wish you was a dumb girl who would just do whatever I ask them to do." All I could do was smile...
16. I hate the sound styrofoam makes when you move it or touch it. It makes me cringe
17. My first tattoo will be the words Carte Blanch somewhere on my body.
18. I used to not really like light skinned guys, unless they were extra sexy. But now, since living in MD, I want me one so bad. lol. I see them all the time, with long ass ponytails, and hats. SEXY. I even used to hate hair on guys, I think I love it now. lol
19. I want some white friends. No disrespect to my black friends, but I be wanting to do some different shit, and experience some different things. Cause its so hard to get my black friends to do "white stuff," like karaoke, and skydiving.
20. Lately, I have been going to sleep around 10-11 pm and waking up at 8:30 am. So Not me. My former hours were probably going to sleep around 3-4 am and waking up around 11 am.
21. I read the dictionary. In fact, I was on Merriam-Webster.com looking up words the other day, FOR FUN. My vocabulary is impeccable.
22. I hate wearing underwear. But I pretty much have to, so the only time I don't put any on is when I'm going to sleep or just chillin at home. I started wearing alot of thongs lately too. They are the closest thing to wearing nothing.
23. I want to travel. Everywhere. From the smallest towns, to the most exotic of places.
24. One of my legs used to be shorter than the other one because I broke one of my legs in the growth plate on a trampoline when I was younger. And I had to wait until my other one stopped growing before I could do anything about it.
25. I bought something for a guy for the first time in my life this past Christmas. And it was weird because I actually wanted to get him something, and I didn't care whether he got me something or not. I think I just like giving people stuff just so I can see their reactions.
1. I LOVE taking HOT showers. They are so refreshing.
2. Ive been crying a lot lately, which is 100% times more than usual, since Im not a cryer AT ALL. But I've actually been crying in a way that is helping me, if that makes sense. Sometimes a good cry helps.
3. I haven't had a Valentine since the 7th grade, which is equivalent to not having a Valentine at all because it doesn't really count
4. I put on this front that I don't care about alot of stuff especially when it comes to guys, but I usually do. But from the self-fulfilling prophecy idea, I figure that if I tell myself I don't care, then eventually I won't. And it works because eventually I end up not caring forreal.
5. I have never seen my father a day in my life. Never talked to him. I used to know what his name was but over the years I forgot. And I can honestly say that I don't really care.
6. Im a Mama's Girl.
7. I just started tearing up as Im writing this. I don't even know why. lol
8. Ever since this guy I met died in a freak accident, I worry that things like that are going to happen to my family and friends.
9. I hate college. Never liked it. Never felt like it was anything other than the next step after high school.
10. But I regret not fully participating in the college experience. I should have went to a black school
11. I hate UNC for my own personal reasons and I refuse to wear any of my Carolina clothing or Carolina blue at all for that matter. And I vow never to step foot in Chapel Hill again once I graduate.
12. Yes, I haven't graduated. And at this point, I don't really care whether I do or not. But I will, only because it would devastate my mother if I didn't.
13. I hate when people insinuate stuff about me that is completely out of my character. For example, this guy asked me if I was playing on his phone, and I got mad. Because I don't even like talking on the phone, number 1, and playing on the phone is some childish ass shit that Im just too grown to be doing.
14. Speaking of guys, I hate when they assume that Im going to act just like the little childish ass girls they are used to dealing with, and so they treat me and talk to me as such. Fuck that. Im not a dumb female AT ALL. Im smart, for future reference.
15. The greatest thing a guy has ever said to me was, "I wish you was a dumb girl who would just do whatever I ask them to do." All I could do was smile...
16. I hate the sound styrofoam makes when you move it or touch it. It makes me cringe
17. My first tattoo will be the words Carte Blanch somewhere on my body.
18. I used to not really like light skinned guys, unless they were extra sexy. But now, since living in MD, I want me one so bad. lol. I see them all the time, with long ass ponytails, and hats. SEXY. I even used to hate hair on guys, I think I love it now. lol
19. I want some white friends. No disrespect to my black friends, but I be wanting to do some different shit, and experience some different things. Cause its so hard to get my black friends to do "white stuff," like karaoke, and skydiving.
20. Lately, I have been going to sleep around 10-11 pm and waking up at 8:30 am. So Not me. My former hours were probably going to sleep around 3-4 am and waking up around 11 am.
21. I read the dictionary. In fact, I was on Merriam-Webster.com looking up words the other day, FOR FUN. My vocabulary is impeccable.
22. I hate wearing underwear. But I pretty much have to, so the only time I don't put any on is when I'm going to sleep or just chillin at home. I started wearing alot of thongs lately too. They are the closest thing to wearing nothing.
23. I want to travel. Everywhere. From the smallest towns, to the most exotic of places.
24. One of my legs used to be shorter than the other one because I broke one of my legs in the growth plate on a trampoline when I was younger. And I had to wait until my other one stopped growing before I could do anything about it.
25. I bought something for a guy for the first time in my life this past Christmas. And it was weird because I actually wanted to get him something, and I didn't care whether he got me something or not. I think I just like giving people stuff just so I can see their reactions.
Dilemmas
(I complain on here way too much...lol)
1. I need a JOB...ASAP
2. I Need My Car...BAD
3. I have a book/short story to write that should have been turned in yesterday. And I haven't started at all. (besides the basics of the plot and characters)
4. I have a paper due Friday for my history class, but my book is at home, and I am not.
5. Valentines Day is coming up, and I need a date (or a victim)..lol
6. my hair needs to be cut...this is about the time of year that I start hating it because its growing out of control.
7. I need some female friends...But DC Bitches...idk about...
8. My phone bill needs to be paid ASAP
9. My appetite is fucked up from my Half-Baked Project (but plus side- Ive lost like 10 pounds) But it was from long days of being hungry, but I can't eat, because as soon as I take one bite of anything I feel full, and my stomach starts hurting, and I feel as if Im going to throw up, and I hate throwing up
10. The only guy that I even remotely care for is acting stupid and we're beefing (well I'm beefing with him)...and its starting to make me not like him...forreal...and once I stop liking someone, its a wrap. I don't do second chances AT ALL... And to make matters even worse, I think my mother actually likes this guy, and she's never even met him. I know she likes him because she always asks me about him, and she never asks me about guys that she doesn't care too much for.
But on a good note...
Ive still got my health, except for my eczema driving me slightly crazy with the itching. So I can't really complain. All of this is expected as I have FINALLY branched out and started moving forward with my life. For a while, Ive been at a standstill, but that had to stop because I will not be stuck.
So the grind...yeah Im on it...the struggle...yeah I feel it...But it will all be worth it...Things are working out, things are looking up...You gotta have the struggle, so you can appreciate the success right?
I WILL NOT LOSE (c) Jay-z
1. I need a JOB...ASAP
2. I Need My Car...BAD
3. I have a book/short story to write that should have been turned in yesterday. And I haven't started at all. (besides the basics of the plot and characters)
4. I have a paper due Friday for my history class, but my book is at home, and I am not.
5. Valentines Day is coming up, and I need a date (or a victim)..lol
6. my hair needs to be cut...this is about the time of year that I start hating it because its growing out of control.
7. I need some female friends...But DC Bitches...idk about...
8. My phone bill needs to be paid ASAP
9. My appetite is fucked up from my Half-Baked Project (but plus side- Ive lost like 10 pounds) But it was from long days of being hungry, but I can't eat, because as soon as I take one bite of anything I feel full, and my stomach starts hurting, and I feel as if Im going to throw up, and I hate throwing up
10. The only guy that I even remotely care for is acting stupid and we're beefing (well I'm beefing with him)...and its starting to make me not like him...forreal...and once I stop liking someone, its a wrap. I don't do second chances AT ALL... And to make matters even worse, I think my mother actually likes this guy, and she's never even met him. I know she likes him because she always asks me about him, and she never asks me about guys that she doesn't care too much for.
But on a good note...
Ive still got my health, except for my eczema driving me slightly crazy with the itching. So I can't really complain. All of this is expected as I have FINALLY branched out and started moving forward with my life. For a while, Ive been at a standstill, but that had to stop because I will not be stuck.
So the grind...yeah Im on it...the struggle...yeah I feel it...But it will all be worth it...Things are working out, things are looking up...You gotta have the struggle, so you can appreciate the success right?
I WILL NOT LOSE (c) Jay-z
Saturday, January 24, 2009
WHOA!!
Dec. 9th was my last post. I been slacking BIG TIME.
I don't even really have anything to say now. Its fairly early, Im up, but thats because I went to sleep at like 11 on a FRIDAY NIGHT. So not me. But TONIGHT, Im partying HARD. My bitches are coming to visit, (btw Im out of town AGAIN) so I know it will be a crazy night. I was suppose to get my hair done but my aunt is booked up today, so now Imma have to do something to this mess I call hair. And I need a new outfit. So my day will pretty much go as such...
Shower ( if you remember I love showers lol)
Put on Clothes
Fix Hair
Go to cousins house and wait for her to get ready (hours of waiting time im sure)
Go to Mall
Eat
Go back to the house
Shower
Get Dressed
...the next couple of activites need not be mentioned...
(I don't wanna tarnish my good girl reputation HAHA)
Shake my ass in the club
...More activities that need not be mentioned...
SONG FOR THE NIGHT:
Blame It (Remix) - Jamie Foxx feat. Busta Rhymes, Lil Wayne And T-Pain
I don't even really have anything to say now. Its fairly early, Im up, but thats because I went to sleep at like 11 on a FRIDAY NIGHT. So not me. But TONIGHT, Im partying HARD. My bitches are coming to visit, (btw Im out of town AGAIN) so I know it will be a crazy night. I was suppose to get my hair done but my aunt is booked up today, so now Imma have to do something to this mess I call hair. And I need a new outfit. So my day will pretty much go as such...
Shower ( if you remember I love showers lol)
Put on Clothes
Fix Hair
Go to cousins house and wait for her to get ready (hours of waiting time im sure)
Go to Mall
Eat
Go back to the house
Shower
Get Dressed
...the next couple of activites need not be mentioned...
(I don't wanna tarnish my good girl reputation HAHA)
Shake my ass in the club
...More activities that need not be mentioned...
SONG FOR THE NIGHT:
Blame It (Remix) - Jamie Foxx feat. Busta Rhymes, Lil Wayne And T-Pain
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
MIA
yeah I know I've pretty much been MIA to this blog. But I'm good. I'm grinding. Doing a bunch of stuff that has to get done before the end of the year. And I'm in my second home state right now so the partying is in FULL EFFECT. I'm finally realizing that the shit I want in life is not gonna be handed to me. And once I'm done with this school shit, its poppin...life that is. Also I'm in party planning mode because Winter break is among us and all my friends are looking to me to have a good time. And I will not disappoint.
HOLLA HOLLA HOLLA...LMAO...Oh yeah, my half-baked project is still in effect. Now I see how people lose so much weight from smoking weed. In the beginning you will probably eat everything in sight and I found out from one of my textbooks it is because something in the weed lowers your blood sugar and therefore makes you extrememly hungry. But after you smoke for a while, you eventually will not be hungry and cannot eat unless you smoke first. Its weird. Ive heard stories of this happening to people, but it never made sense to me because I usually get instantly hungry after I smoke. Well enough about weed...
HOLLA HOLLA HOLLA...lol
HOLLA HOLLA HOLLA...LMAO...Oh yeah, my half-baked project is still in effect. Now I see how people lose so much weight from smoking weed. In the beginning you will probably eat everything in sight and I found out from one of my textbooks it is because something in the weed lowers your blood sugar and therefore makes you extrememly hungry. But after you smoke for a while, you eventually will not be hungry and cannot eat unless you smoke first. Its weird. Ive heard stories of this happening to people, but it never made sense to me because I usually get instantly hungry after I smoke. Well enough about weed...
HOLLA HOLLA HOLLA...lol
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Irate
Today I experienced something I never had before. Being stopped by the police and having my car searched. I was in the midst of taking my nephews to go see their grandmother when I was pulled over. I felt that it was about to happen as soon as I saw the police car, so I was not scared or nervous or anything.
Policeman comes to the car and does the usual, asking a million questions. Then he asks me one question...
Cop: "Do you have any marijuana in this car?"
Me: "No"
Cop: "This car has a strong smell of marijuana. Have you been smoking"
Me: "No"
Then he says Okay, and goes to his car. He comes back and asks me to step out of the car so he can ask me a question.
Cop: "Have you been smoking marijuana"
Me: "No."
Cop: "My concern are your nephews. Your car smells of marijuana. So I'm going to give you two tests that will determine if you've been smoking or not"
He does the tests, and at this point, I turn around and notice that he has called another cop for backup, and makes me perform the last test again. for the other cop..
Cop: "I'm going to ask you this again. Have you been smoking?
Me: "No. I just left work."
Other Cop: "Listen, just save yourself some time and trouble and tell us where the weed is. He smells it in your car, and he always finds it if he smells it. Either you can give us the weed, or we can take you downtown and perform a blood test to determine if you've been smoking or not."
Me: "Did I fail the test or something"
Other Cop: "Yes, you indicated to us that you are under the influence of marijuana"
Me: "how?"
Cop: "Because your eyes flickered"
Me: (blank stare)
Other Cop: "Where is the weed at? He is going to search your car now tell him where he can find the weed"
Me: "You can look but you will not find any weed in my car"
So the cop searches my car, with my nephews in the car, and DOES NOT find any weed.
Cop: "Im going to let you off with a warning for speeding. For some reason your car smells of marijuana. There was alot of marijuana in this car at one time. I saw an airfreshner under the seat. Most people use those to hide the smell of something. But since I didn't find anything you can go.
At this point, I walked the fuck off mad as hell, got in my car, and sped the fuck off.
FIRST of all my car DID NOT smell like weed AT ALL. Second of all, I always keep my car air freshners under my seat because I can still smell them without having to look at them. Third, there was never a large amount of weed in my car. Fourth, when the fuck did somebody develop a test to see if somebody was high. Normally a motherfucker LOOKS high, so if I was high, he would have been able to tell off top.
And that other cop was so fucking rude, it took everything I had in me not to curse that bitch out. All in my face talking about, "JUST TELL HIM WHERE THE WEED IS" I am so BEYOND MAD right now because this just happened about 5:00. And I dont even remember their badge numbers or their names.
And to add to that, my friend got pulled over yesterday and searched for weed. A girl. And the other night, my friends and I got pulled over when I was taking one of my cousins friends home. That cop was pleasant. My brake light was out and he let us go with a warning. But these cops today is the reason why black people DO NOT cooperate with cops. And add to the fact that they were white, makes me even more mad. I cannot hardly express the amount of anger I have right now. Like I can't even put it into words. All I can do is describe the situation.
I'll be back with more. I am NOT done with this AT ALL...
Policeman comes to the car and does the usual, asking a million questions. Then he asks me one question...
Cop: "Do you have any marijuana in this car?"
Me: "No"
Cop: "This car has a strong smell of marijuana. Have you been smoking"
Me: "No"
Then he says Okay, and goes to his car. He comes back and asks me to step out of the car so he can ask me a question.
Cop: "Have you been smoking marijuana"
Me: "No."
Cop: "My concern are your nephews. Your car smells of marijuana. So I'm going to give you two tests that will determine if you've been smoking or not"
He does the tests, and at this point, I turn around and notice that he has called another cop for backup, and makes me perform the last test again. for the other cop..
Cop: "I'm going to ask you this again. Have you been smoking?
Me: "No. I just left work."
Other Cop: "Listen, just save yourself some time and trouble and tell us where the weed is. He smells it in your car, and he always finds it if he smells it. Either you can give us the weed, or we can take you downtown and perform a blood test to determine if you've been smoking or not."
Me: "Did I fail the test or something"
Other Cop: "Yes, you indicated to us that you are under the influence of marijuana"
Me: "how?"
Cop: "Because your eyes flickered"
Me: (blank stare)
Other Cop: "Where is the weed at? He is going to search your car now tell him where he can find the weed"
Me: "You can look but you will not find any weed in my car"
So the cop searches my car, with my nephews in the car, and DOES NOT find any weed.
Cop: "Im going to let you off with a warning for speeding. For some reason your car smells of marijuana. There was alot of marijuana in this car at one time. I saw an airfreshner under the seat. Most people use those to hide the smell of something. But since I didn't find anything you can go.
At this point, I walked the fuck off mad as hell, got in my car, and sped the fuck off.
FIRST of all my car DID NOT smell like weed AT ALL. Second of all, I always keep my car air freshners under my seat because I can still smell them without having to look at them. Third, there was never a large amount of weed in my car. Fourth, when the fuck did somebody develop a test to see if somebody was high. Normally a motherfucker LOOKS high, so if I was high, he would have been able to tell off top.
And that other cop was so fucking rude, it took everything I had in me not to curse that bitch out. All in my face talking about, "JUST TELL HIM WHERE THE WEED IS" I am so BEYOND MAD right now because this just happened about 5:00. And I dont even remember their badge numbers or their names.
And to add to that, my friend got pulled over yesterday and searched for weed. A girl. And the other night, my friends and I got pulled over when I was taking one of my cousins friends home. That cop was pleasant. My brake light was out and he let us go with a warning. But these cops today is the reason why black people DO NOT cooperate with cops. And add to the fact that they were white, makes me even more mad. I cannot hardly express the amount of anger I have right now. Like I can't even put it into words. All I can do is describe the situation.
I'll be back with more. I am NOT done with this AT ALL...
Monday, November 10, 2008
Response to a Comment
"well we better free our minds and recoginze the real. he is one man and although he sounded good and this is historic, america has to want to change, not to mention many of us negro comfortable up in here. i just hope the red states dont take us back pre 1960"
I have heard so many people just simply talking about Obama in normal conversation. This weekend, my friend had a bday party, and a circle of guys were smoking weed and talking about Obama. I thought it was beautiful.
I don't think Obama is going to change the world. I know that real change is only gonna come when people, individually and collectively, decide to change. I really like Obama because he knows that too. He is always telling people to not only believe in his ability to change Washington, but our ability as well.
I don't think that on January 20th my life is going to immediately get better. In fact, I think it will probably be near the end of Obama's 1st 4 year term before we see any real significant signs of change. I learned that hard times for the economy comes in cycles. We experience a rise in economy, then a boom, then a fall. With Clinton, the economy was falling, but its when Bush got into office, and the decisions he made, that put us into a recession, damn near depression. So thats about 16 years of work that Obama is going to have to reverse. He's not a miracle worker, he is just the President. But I believe he is going to be a great president. A historic president, if not for all times, especially for these times. And he is black, so when I tell my children they can be whatever they want to be, I really mean it.
I have heard so many people just simply talking about Obama in normal conversation. This weekend, my friend had a bday party, and a circle of guys were smoking weed and talking about Obama. I thought it was beautiful.
I don't think Obama is going to change the world. I know that real change is only gonna come when people, individually and collectively, decide to change. I really like Obama because he knows that too. He is always telling people to not only believe in his ability to change Washington, but our ability as well.
I don't think that on January 20th my life is going to immediately get better. In fact, I think it will probably be near the end of Obama's 1st 4 year term before we see any real significant signs of change. I learned that hard times for the economy comes in cycles. We experience a rise in economy, then a boom, then a fall. With Clinton, the economy was falling, but its when Bush got into office, and the decisions he made, that put us into a recession, damn near depression. So thats about 16 years of work that Obama is going to have to reverse. He's not a miracle worker, he is just the President. But I believe he is going to be a great president. A historic president, if not for all times, especially for these times. And he is black, so when I tell my children they can be whatever they want to be, I really mean it.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Beautiful
That is the only word that I can use to describe what it means for me to have Barack Obama as the 44th President of the United States of America...
My President is Black!! I can't say it enough...
Yesterday, as I was pulling into the place where I would be voting, I started tearing up out of nowhere. I think it really hit me that what I was doing was going to be apart of history. As I am typing this I am tearing up because it is just beautiful that FINALLY, FINALLY, we seem to be moving forward as a nation.
I could not bare to even watch the election results as they unfolded but luckily through Facebook I was kept up to date with the election and when I received a phone call from my friend screaming on the other end, I knew. And I immediately let out a sigh of relief. I had been holding my breath all day for Obama. And to watch his speech last night was Amazing. I wish I could have been there. The look on his face was beautiful, his wife's face, his kids faces, the people's faces, BEAUTIFUL.
I will admit that I never followed Obama throughout the campaign. I went to an Obama Rally but that was more of a it just happened type thing. And last night was the first time I actually sat down and watched Obama speak. It was Beautiful.
I will say this about McCain though, the part of his speech where he acknowledged that Obama winning was a historic and joyous occassion for African Americans was nice of him. At least he recognizes that. But I don't think he really understands. I didn't really understand until about two days ago how important this is. When I saw the status' on facebook and myspace about Obama, the pictures of the celebrations people had, it was just Beautiful. I literally tear up every single time I think about it. I can't say it enough- BEAUTIFUL.
I LOVE THIS PICTURE!!!! (tear)
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Please Don't Fail Me America
I turned to Channel 11 thinking I was going to watch Jeopardy at 7 pm, and I saw exactly what I've been avoiding ALL DAY...
Election talks...results...it was Obama 3, McCain 8, when I turned to the channel. And I tried to watch it but after I saw that only 22% of Virginia's African American population voted, I couldn't bare to watch anymore. Only 22%??? Really? My people, My People. And will be the first ones complaining if something went terribly wrong and Obama doesn't become president.
I can't watch it. I'm too anxious to find out who is going to win that I'd rather just hear the results than to watch them as they unfold. Its too much for me. Because if Barack Obama does not win, I will be so hurt. It won't seem real. He has to win. He is the obvious winner. Please don't let me down America. Lets do something right for once. Just this once.
Election talks...results...it was Obama 3, McCain 8, when I turned to the channel. And I tried to watch it but after I saw that only 22% of Virginia's African American population voted, I couldn't bare to watch anymore. Only 22%??? Really? My people, My People. And will be the first ones complaining if something went terribly wrong and Obama doesn't become president.
I can't watch it. I'm too anxious to find out who is going to win that I'd rather just hear the results than to watch them as they unfold. Its too much for me. Because if Barack Obama does not win, I will be so hurt. It won't seem real. He has to win. He is the obvious winner. Please don't let me down America. Lets do something right for once. Just this once.
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