Tuesday, July 29, 2008

I Cannot WAIT until this Weekend

For many reasons

(1) Back to Maryland/DC...My second home.

(2) More Birthday Celebrating with my cousins.

(3) More PATRON!!!!

(4) I Get To See My Friend whom I haven't seen in what seems like FOREVER

(5) KARAOKE!!!!!!

(6) Love (the club that is)

(7) Having FUN...

Pretty much sums it up...

How was my Birthday You Asked?


Friday, July 25, 2008


Im happy. Really. Its my One of my Two Bday weekends. I call this weekend the pre-bday celebration. Im gonna have major fun tonight without question. But I'm sitting around now basically wasting time and thinking about how if this would have been any of my friends birthdays they would all be looking at me to basically pull everything together to make their bdays fun. I plan the party, get everbody together, buy everything from the stores, pull everything together, make sure everybody is having a good time. I do a lot, not everything but A LOT more than everybody can say they do.

Now its my birthday and nothing. From nobody. Most of the people Im going out with tonight, I don't expect them to do anything. But the people who are suppose to be my real friends, the friends I do a lot for, nothing. For once I would like to be surprised. I would like to see what it feels like to have somebody do something for me. Not because I asked them to do it but just simply because its a good idea. Just because.

One thing I do like that I heard John McCain say, "If you have to ask, its too late." I don't want to have to ask, it doesn't have the same feel. I do a lot of things for people out of just being a nice person. Too nice if you ask me because I feel that I never get anything back in return. And its not that Im looking for any payback, but just once, it would be nice to just be able to relax. I have about two cousins who has ever done anything for me just because. We never have to ask each other anything. One of them has always been like that and the other one became that way in more recent years.

I feel like Im always complaining about my friends on here lately but its just some shit Im always thinking about. Im not saying Im the best friend ever, but Im all about a fair trade. I expect back what I put out. Not from everybody but from my friends at the least. But it is my pre-birthday, and regardless Im going to have a great time tonight. So all that shit I just said, FUCK IT...LOL. I can always find new friends, my 22nd birthday only comes around once in a lifetime.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

This is why I love CollegeCandy.com


They make posts such as these that I can TOTALLY relate to. I realized this year that I have way too many "toxic" friends who I only hear from when they want something from me. And if they don't want something, they want to tell me something about them. Never asking about me. Its always a one way thing. I let alot of things just roll off my back but not anymore. The only people I allow to be one-sided sometimes is my family, only because they are family. I don't get to pick and chose who I'm related to, but I can pick and chose my friends. And I don't need bad friends. AT ALL.

But I would like to say that I do have at least one good friend that I can always count on. There is a reason she has been my best friend since 9th grade. And people find it hard to believe that we can be best friends and hardly EVER talk to each other. But whenever we get together, its like we never missed a moment. Thats my bitch. Those are the kinds of friends I need more of. Friends who are on my level.

My Daily Mantra

Taken from Aristotle and Remixed by me...

"I am what I repeatedly do. Therefore my flyness is not an act, but a habit"



My first Munny was aight, but compared to some of these, I am definitely an amateur. But one thing I noticed is that most people make their Munnys look very evil. My inspiration for my Munny was the line from Weezy "We are not the same, I am a martian"

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Results of My Career Assessment

Im doing some work for my aunt...(BORING!!!)...But I've been having to do a bunch of career assessments. And this one is the best one I've done so far...It only gives you partial results because you have to pay for the full report, but what they do give you is enough.


My Assessment

INTEREST IN JOB CONTENT(Those tasks you want to perform)
Megan is conscious of existence, meaning, purpose, potential and destiny of humankind, people, and self. Megan is motivated by a self-felt, self-accepted calling to the cause of good, growth, and gain in the lives of others. Influential communication of ideas is a primary way of achieving those objectives. Perception and thinking tend to be holistic and conceptual; i.e., seeing the big picture. It is important to see which of the other traits are interactive with this trait because there can be many interesting combinations. This is a major trait in cultural, intellectual, academic, and creative activities. It includes ideas, concepts, theory, ethics, and values.

TEMPERAMENT FOR THE JOB(How you prefer to perform tasks)
Megan prefers and needs change and variety. Change is motivating, stimulating, and energizing. Megan looks for new options, challenges, assignments, acquaintances, relationships, and even new careers in new places. Megan tires of sameness, repetition, and routine even in activities that were interesting at the start. Once things become routine for Megan, this becomes a motivation to move on to more interesting things.

APTITUDE FOR THE JOB (Expression of performing tasks)
Megan's preferences and motivations are derived from understanding the deeper or 'real' meaning of ideas and words and uses them effectively in written or oral communication. Literary in this factor means intentional search for ideas expressed by the minds of others for one's own use, assimilation, learning, etc. The source can be books, other publications, historical documents, research information, drama, movies, television, the "information highway" or internet, etc. Emphasis is on communication: picking up information from minds of others or communication aimed toward the minds of others. Journalism and writing are major activities. Literary activity is not exclusively intellectual, academic, or cultural. It may be an end in itself as in a bookworm for instance. And literary activity is not always accompanied by communicative activity, written or oral. On the other hand, communicative activity need not be literary in the classic sense. And one need not be persuasive to be communicative, but it helps. When the trait is highly motivated, as it is here, it suggests both literary and communicative abilities that are or could become a usable skill or a developed talent. By now you can see that only a review of all traits will clearly show the specific content of Megan's literary and/or communicative preferences and motivations.

PEOPLE(How you relate to people, in priority order)
Megan's motivations are heightened significantly by persuasive, gregarious, auditory-musical, visual-artistic, and communicative traits to entertain others with intent to convince them toward a particular idea, viewpoint, direction, objective, or product. In this motivational context, entertainment is more than pleasing people. It has promotional and marketing objectives. Some preferred activities include: marketing, sales, public relations, television commercials, lobbying, political campaigns, promotional consulting, sports announcing, etc. Motivations may also be driven at the prospect of efforts to get ahead in various areas of entertainment and/or acting, i.e., to advance one's own career. Persuasion is the primary preferred trait. A high level of motivation exists because there is an element of risk involved where the effort has a goal tied to the end of the act.

THINGS(How you relate to things, in priority order)
Megan is not motivated toward processing activities, no matter what is being processed or who is doing the processing. There is no natural preference for this sort of activity.

DATA(How you relate to data, in priority order)
Along with other mental activities and preferences, Megan sees the big picture or assembles perceptions, thoughts, information, data, numbers, etc. in the context of the big picture. It is important to determine, by scanning other factors in this section, how high motivational levels are for synthesizing relative to other mental processes, regarding analyzing, comparing, and coordinating in particular. This comparison determines whether Megan prefers to start with the big picture, or build up to it later. Because Megan has moderate motivational levels for mental process, it will be more "down to earth" than "on cloud nine", more logical than fantasy or abstract.

REASONING(How you relate to reasoning, in priority order)
Megan is strongly motivated to apply thinking to the big picture through holistic ideas, concepts, options, and strategies. This does not mean, suggest, or imply that thinking is kept only in a holistic context but it does mean that the first and constant priority or preference for consideration and focus are on the big picture. (Example: Megan more likely prefers to be an executive rather than a manager, and more inclined to be a manager rather than a supervisor.) Considering how pieces of the picture are brought in to the big picture stimulates motivation for the activity.

MATHEMATICAL CAPACITY(How you relate to the applied usage of math)
Math is a natural talent like art or music and requires a certain natural preference. In most instances, you have it or you don't; you like it or you don't. If the individual has talent for math, this section shows where the greatest vocational interest and motivation occurs, and that is where he/she has probably developed the most talent or could. Low ratings for some or all of these factors imply that math, or possibly that specific application of math, is not a motivational factor to this individual. Management responsibility based on mathematical calculations and decisions is not a preferred activity for Megan.

LANGUAGE CAPACITY(How you relate to the usage of language)
Megan is highly motivated to consider creative writing and communicating at professional levels. Preferences are holistic, conceptual, imaginative, and creative. "Ideas trigger more ideas" can probably be said about Megan. High motivational levels for this worker trait indicate an interactive combination of literary and philosophical traits. As Dean W. R. Inge said, "Literature flourishes best when it is half a trade and half an art." That probably makes a great deal of sense to Megan. Motivation at this level indicate preferences that probably include writing fiction, poetry, scripts for movies or television, advertising copy, marketing copy, teaching creative writing, etc.

Career Choices

Creative Writing: author; imagination, vocabulary
Interview/Inform: gather, dispense information
Training Services: human resource development
Modeling: artistic display; fashions, apparel
Decorating and Art Work: design, arrange, consult
Corresponding: prepare, edit, send communications
Specialty Entertainment: please others to make sales
Health Physics: safety engineering, occupational
High School, College, University; teach/counsel
News Reporting: gather, write, send information

And this career assessment also speaks alot on my personality. Reading it I was like, Damn, that is so right. Im always looking at the Big Picture, and thinking about things realisitically as opposed to abstractly. This career assessment really says alot. I love it.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Girl Talk

This one is for Jennifer. She always wants to have girl talk and every attempt we made has been a bad one. The first attempt all I said before falling asleep was, "Guys are Stupid." And the second attempt, I gave good advice, but she didn't listen to it. I told her don't get so caught up in what a guy tells her, that she should what watch he does. Because words take no effort, actions do. And if a guy cares even a little bit, his actions will reflect his words. But then you have to worry about guys who will say nice things, and do nice things, but they don't give a fuck about you. And thats when time becomes a factor. Throwing out "I Love You's" early in the game should tell you that they guy doesn't hold the words I love you in high regard. He uses them to his advantage. He knows how much girls want to be loved, and I love you is nothing but 3 words to him. Most guys will have a hard time saying they love you unless they mean it. Or unless you say it to them first and then they don't wanna hurt your feelings so they say it back. And then it can get real confusing.

So my Girl Talk advice for this time is to get to know the guy you are with. And don't ignore signs of a lame just because you want a boyfriend so badly. One of my mantras that I live by, "You're better off in no relationship, than a bad relationship." Your overall happiness should come first. You can find somebody who will treat you right. You may have to wait for him but you can have fun while you wait. Being single has its plus sides. No strings, no committments, no checking in, no restrictions, and lots and lots of doing whatever it is you want without having to explain anything to anybody.

And you can have as many boys as you want. It can get lonely at times, but my advice is to be with guys you actually enjoy being around and who enjoy being around you. Not just booty calls. Its hard to turn a booty call guy into your man. You can tell when a guy likes being around you because...HE WILL WANT TO BE AROUND YOU. He won't mind you coming over and chilling. In fact, he will probably invite you over as much as you invite yourself over. And when you deal with guys like this, instead of guys who only call you over at 3 am, you can build relationships without having to be tied down.

That is, unless you want to deal with 3 am guys as well, which is perfectly fine. In fact, my friends and I talked about this and we have found out that having a mixture of the two is actually better than having one or the other. Because if you spend too much time with "the guy you chill with" you both might catch feelings, or you both might get bored. And if a relationship is not what you want then you need to have some time to yourself. And thats when the "3 am guy", who is just a break from your other guy comes into play. He doesn't really give a fuck, and you shouldn't either. So it should be perfect. But the 3 am guy has to be somebody that you would never make your man. You can be attracted to him, in whatever way, but not in a way where you think he can be your man. This only works if he can't. Because when you catch feelings for the 3 am guy, you're gonna start neglecting what you have with the guy you chill with. And while you know the guy you chill with is the guy you should be with because you actually like him in the way you should like a person, the 3 am guy is always gonna appeal more. Its the theory of "you like what you can't have." Don't do it. Save yourself the heartache.

And my last bit of advice pertains to the picture up top. Regardless of how many upsets, heartaches, and tears you will shed in life, you will get over it. It may hurt for a while but you're gonna wake up one day and be over it. Its not the end of the world, you may think it is, but its not. Just like Chris Rock said, Men are conditioned to believe that there are always more fish in the sea, whereas women are conditioned to believe that there aren't alot of good men out there. So once women think they've found a good man, and he ends up breaking her heart, she believes she messed up her rare chance of having a good man. And therefore believes that she will probably never find a man as good as the one she had. Which is ridiculous, because there are more fish in the sea for everybody, both men and women. You just gotta recognize a good man when you see one. And stop going for the guys who aren't really good for you. And just stop fucking with lames in general. And stop making excuses for lames. No excuses!!!!!

The guys you want to avoid...

Sad day for Friends

I remember a day when your friends were people you could count on. People who had your back no matter what. People who if I'm passed out drunk, would carry me to my car and make sure I got home safely. Friends who if I'm late to class will sign my name on the roll for me. People who if my man of the moment was cheating on me, would be there to find out with who and be ready to beat his and his bitch ass with me. You know, GOOD FRIENDS. Its a sad day when strangers and your self-proclaimed enemies treat you better than your friends do...

Waiting for My Life Changing Experience

My brothers girlfriend and I were talking and she was telling me about how she tries to tell her cousins that they can't keep gliding through like thinking people are gonna always be there for them. That they will have a life changing experience one day and if they don't get on the right path, its gonna be a bad one and not a good one.

Well I think that applies to me as well. I don't think I'm on the wrong path, just maybe not the right one for me. But either way, I'm kinda ready for my life changing experience. I want something different. I want new surroundings. I want to meet new people. I'm tired of everybody assuming that I've dropped out of school. That my mother and I are too dependent on each other that we can't lead separate lives. Nobody says it to my face, but I know they say it. I know what they think. I know when they ask me when does school start again, they are just fishing to see if I'm still even in school. Or when they tell me about how their child will never come home from school to see them, they are just wondering why I'm always at home.

My mother told me that being tired of everything around me is actually a good sign because it means that I am actually ready to go out and be on my own. That I am really ready to be truly independent because for the most part I don't depend on too many people in my life. Mostly just my mother. I am so beyond ready to do things MY WAY. Good or bad. Right or Wrong. Whatever. I will learn the right way for me.

Funny Conversation

My mother and I are constantly having conversations about school and the politics surrounding it. We were in Golden Corral, and she was telling me the usual "You have to finish school, I don't care what you do with your life but you have to finish." And I annoyed her with my usual sarcasticness (lol)...

My Mom: "I should have been hard on you and made you do stuff like everybody else does their kids"

Me: "A little too late now, don't you think?"

My Mom: "How did you get this way? You have no respect for how things work"

Me: "I'm a Rasta"

LMAO...And when I said that, she flipped. LOL. Because she knows I don't care and she hates it. But she is more worried that Im going to be a bum for the rest of my life. And I understand what she is saying because at this moment in my life I am being a bum. But I think everybody goes through a period where they have to find themselves and blah blah blah. I know what I want to do, but in order to do that I know what I have to do. Like the quote from "Great Debaters"- Do what you have to do, to do what you want to do. I understand that, but more and more each day Im become more and more disgusted with how things are.

I was thinking about W.E.B. Dubois and Double Conciousness the other day, and I swear I try to live that way but its so hard when how things around me are so fucked up. For instance, my aunt is paying to take all these classes so she can get a masters degree so she can get a raise in pay. She is basically paying for her raise. Thousands of dollars for some bullshit classes that have nothing to do with the work that she is doing. I know this because she has asked me to help her with some of the work. Its all about money. School is about money. Thats it. Its not about learning for the sake of learning. Nobody goes to school because they want to take tests, and learn about shit they don't really care about. They go in the hopes that having a degree will allow them to get a better job and make more money. Which is fine.

Another conversation with my mother...

Me: I guess Im destined to do something I hate for the rest of my life...

My Mom: I thought you were destined to be a secretary...

Me: I am. But now they want you to have a degree to answer a phone and take messages. I wonder if they have trade schools for secretaries, so I can finish in 2 years instead of 4.

My Mom: (sigh)

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Four Years Later

Still No Degree and still loathing "the college experience." I feel kinda bad because I fucked up and could actually be a college graduate at this very moment. But then on the other hand, none of my friends who did graduate have official jobs, and some no job at all. One of my friends paid more than 100,000 (in loans that she will have to pay back) for her degree, and through a series of unfortunate events, is back to living at home. No Job and an $100,000 degree that is not really helping her at all right now. Most people I know that graduated are working jobs that they could have gotten whether they were college graduates or not.

And today I wished I cared a little more about my post secondary education because back in high school, going to college, was just the next step. I didn't really care where I went because I ultimately didn't know anything about any of the schools I applied for, so if didn't matter to me one way or another. I chose the school I went to because I got accepted early and ended up doing everything I needed for it early in the game. I was lazy and ultimately I just really didn't care. I was probably one form away from going to another college. A college now, I wish I had went to because I could have definitely graduated from there on time, NO QUESTION.

And if I cared a little more I would have realized that the traditional college experience is not for me. After reading about the Art Institutes, and the newly opened one in my state, I would have and should have definitely gone there. That is my type of school. It is centered around a specific trade (i.e. Design, Fashion, Culinary, Media, etc.) and it would have been a school that I could have stayed interested in because I get to chose specifically what I want to do. As opposed to having to chose a major that I don't really like forreal, and won't really guarantee me a job in that field, or a job period. Not saying that the Art Institute will guarantee me anything, but at least I won't feel like I wasted 4 years of my life bullshitting around trying to please everyone else.

Its time for a change. I'm always talking about doing what makes you happy and forgetting about everybody else. Its about time I listened to my own advice right??? RIGHT. And speaking of that, I started my advice books. Tentatively titled "# of things I WISH somebody told me" and "The People You NEVER want to be in life." Or something like that. Just books speaking from my experience. Everybody has advice books. I think I give good advice, so hey, why not?

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