2015 still cool, i guess. lol

That great start kinda fizzling out but I'm still trying to remain on the sane side of life. lol.

I'm still working out and getting in better shape. I really gotta start going beast mode cause i'm maintaining but i want to lose a little more and tone up a lot. I've been doing research on how to do that so its just a matter of me getting off my lazy ass and making it happen. I worked out this morning and I always feel good about that.

My love life still shitty. I'm starting to believe that may never change. Its been bleek for too long. Ion know what lesson God tryna teach me in regards to my love life, but apparently I'm not getting it cause the fuck shit won't end. lol. I meet a lot of guys who pretend to be interested in me just to get some vagina. I probably assume most guys are like this but thats probably because I never feel like they genuinely want to get to know me. And that may be because I spend time with people I want to get to know and I guess I expect that out of others too. Its hard for me to believe you want to get to know me when all you ever really wanna do is fuck.

Awwww man, saying that gave me a glimpse into myself. Don't you hate those moments? Cause I do that shit too but I just don't get enough sex in my life so when I get the opportunity with somebody i like, idk how to act lol And I've recognized that within myself and I have been working on it. Don't know if I'm making any progress but I am working on it lol.

I think what I'm waiting for in my love life is for somebody to simply care about me. Like for somebody to take the time to think about me. And not think about me cause they dick hard, but to actually be like I wonder if Megan is having a good day. And if she not, I wonder what I could do to make her day better. I wonder if Megan wants to go have some fun with me tonight cause I know she be in the house bored as hell most of the time. I wonder if Megan wants some company cause I miss being around her. I wonder if Megan needs a mental break from life and would want to come spend the weekend with me. LIKE WHERE DEY AT DOE? WHO IS THINKING ABOUT ME BESIDES ME? lol.

And sometimes I think guys probably would be like that with me but they think all I care about is sex so they don't think about much else with me. I'm not gone fake and act like sex not important to me. I can't do it. I'm sorry. If Imma be with someone forever, sex gotta be on fleek. I want other things too but sexually I'm too much of a sexually expressive person to be repressed in a relationship cause I act like Ion care about sex. Cause i do lol

And I don't know how to come across in a better way. Somebody just gone have to love me for me. Some things I can accommodate to wade in the waters of the world but some shit, I got to keep cause its me. And being in a relationship that allows me to comfortably express my sexuality is something I need. And its not just sex. Its affection. When I'm really feeling somebody, I turn into a sex crazed maniac. I wanna lay up. I wanna do girly stuff. I wanna make him cupcakes and cookies and shit. I wanna try all the freaky shit that I think of with him. I'm very lovey dovey but in the beginning its going to come across as sex crazed maniac cause I don't get a lot of action where I can just lay up and fuck and feel complete. I can be that honest with  myself. If they can look over that part of me in the beginning and tell me no sometimes, and not assume i'm a nympho, we can make it. I know it lol.

That seems to be the hard part for me. Everybody scared they looking like hoes or wifing up hoes so people go through great lengths to come across as this person who just been sitting back waiting on God to send them the one. Cause enjoying a healthy sex life in the meantime is blasphemous. Everybody wanna be religious, but don't nobody wanna be religious. lol

I read somewhere how some King back in the day basically made up and adopted a new religion so that he could divorce his wife. Never mind just saying fuck what people think and being a leader of your own life and not letting anything dictate it. But basically finagle your way to what you want while keeping the image you presented to people who just gone find some new shit you doing wrong to focus on.

Soapbox. Sorry. Ummm, 2015 going good i guess. I just gotta figure out how imma get this money. What I gotta do besides play to win the lottery? is that it lord? lol