Monday, August 18, 2008

Girl Talk: Family Edition

My girl cousins and I were talking about sex one day this weekend. (FYI I had a family reunion this weekend, so thats why alot of my posts have to do with my family all of a sudden)

One of my cousins just recently started having sex and we were just all curious to what it is that her and her boyfriend be doing because they both were virgins. And then my cousin for a long time was tryin to ride on her high horse and act like she was not gonna have sex until she got married and blah blah blah. So we're all just joking and talking and my cousin says something about how her and her boyfriend only have sex where she is on top. So then I'm like well what do you do on top? And she's like nothing. (First mistake)

So at this point all of my other girl cousins are ridiculing her and telling her that she is garbage and how her man is gonna leave her if she doesn't get some moves. Another funny story, my male cousin was clowning this girl he talks to and in a drunken moment told the whole room that the girl has NO MOVES. HAHAHAHAHA...Sex moves that is.

Okay, so me and my other cousin are the oldest and we're tryin to explain that men are the ones who really do most of the work when you have sex, as far as movement. But when you're on top thats your time to shine, so to speak. You can't get on top and just sit there because the whole point of you being on top is so that you do the bulk of the movement and the guy just chills and takes it all in.

And we explain to her how important having "moves" are. Your moves separate the good from the great. Just like being a great pussy eater goes A LONG WAY. The totem pole goes like this for me (and most of my cousins and friends)...(we had a SERIOUS girl talk this weekend LOL)

Great Dick. Great Pussy Eater.
Average Dick. Great Pussy Eater.
Great Dick. Average Pussy Eater.
Average Dick. Average Pussy Eater.
Great Dick. Non Pussy Eater.
Great Dick. Bad Pussy Eater.
Bad Dick. Great Pussy Eater.
Average Dick. Non Pussy Eater.
Average Dick. Bad Pussy Eater.
Bad Dick. Average Pussy Eater.
Bad Dick. Bad Pussy Eater.
Bad Dick. Non Pussy Eater.

For the record, writing Pussy so many times is almost killing me, I hate that word. But roughly (lol) thats how we figure the totem pole goes. And I assume this is basically the same for women, substituting Pussy and Head Game for Dick and Pussy Eating Skills. Obviously your sex game has to be on point but you definitely get bonus points for your extracurriculars. You have to be able to separate yourself from the rest. We came to the conclusion that there is NOTHING wrong with being a freak. In fact, thats probably one of the best things you can be with your man. Don't let it get boring. If you keep it exciting, then he won't need to go out and get something new from another bitch.

Being that my cousin is young and still living with her parents who know she is having sex but doesn't necessarily approve of it, we couldn't really give her alot of suggestions. We ultimately told her that she wouldn't be with her current boyfriend forever and she really shouldn't be. You should test the waters and see whats out there. But thats another girl talk, I'm gonna stay on subject with this one.

What else did we talk about?.....Well ALOT. But I have a book that I recommend everyone in the world to read at some point in their life. Preferably early on in your sexual experiences so that you can use the information in the book to perfect your craft. Its called Guide to Getting it on, and it covers EVERYTHING. Any and everything you could imagine. Its more than 2 inches thick, so that should give you an idea. Read it. Love It. I've had it since my freshman year of college and every friend or family member that comes to my house and sees the book, reads it. Even the ones whom I couldn't pay to read anything else.

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