How many of us have them?...FRIENDS!

I'm back with another post for 2026. Surprising. But I have some stuff on my mind and chest that I need to get off. 

FIRST OF ALL, I just want to talk about this past Sunday. I was out fishing, as usual, and got a phone call from my mama. She was telling me a friend of mine was at the house looking for me. Long story short, the friend pulled up on me and told me she was now a millionaire from hitting the lottery. And she wanted me to help her make some investments in our hometown. 

The crazy part about all this is all weekend, I sat around thinking about how I really don't have any real friends or family that I fuck with on a trust level. I have family and friends I can hang out with, I can chill with, have fun with but when it comes to doing business, making money moves, and having each others back, I'm out here by myself. I was crying and praying to God that there's no way my life supposed to be this hard. As much love as I have showed my family and friends over the years, I thought I would at least feel loved. I never thought love and respect would be such a THING in my life cause I know for a fact I don't be out here bothering or harming people. I intentionally avoid a lot of shit and suffer personally because I rather avoid confrontation or hard conversations. 

And I learned the hard way why I avoided confrontation and hard conversations because when I do express how I feel, nobody cares. I'm crazy. I'm doing too much. I'm argumentative. I'm insensitive. I'm mean. I'm selfish. And it drives me crazy which is a huge reason why I avoid a lot of my family and friends. 

I'm not sure how I became the person in people life that they thought they could treat any kind of way and I would love them no matter what. 

Well after putting it like that, I know why. It was me. For a long time, my family was EVERYTHING to me. And I mean everything. I barely had friends in school outside of my family. I definitely rarely hung out without people that weren't family or friends of my family. I spent summers with my family who lived in DC and MD and not in my hometown. The older I got, the more I saw that my family really didn't fuck with me. The adults mostly because they all tried to blame me for their kids being how they are. I spent years having to tip toe issues with my family because they all wanted me to be the reason why my cousins was out here fucking up. So I had to stop fucking with everybody so they could see it wasn't me. I was actually tryna save them. I was actually giving them good advice and really looking out for them in ways that they own parents were not. 

And even 2 of my uncles came to me in private, of course, and apologized to me for how they thought about, talked about and treated me over the years. I appreciated the apology but it didn't take away from me feeling like my own family was out to get me. But I was able to let it ride because I figured my cousins would always show me love and have my back no matter what. BOY WAS I WRONG! 

Watching everybody turn on me was crazy. Cause I didn't say shit, I just took my cues to get the fuck away from people because again, I don't like confrontation. I'm the type of person that when people show me who they are, I believe them. Ain't nothing to talk about once you make certain decisions that show me I'm expendable, not respected, cared for or considered. I'm overly nice and respectful to my family because in my mind, they all I got. They the ones who really know me. The ones who I could ride or die for and the same for me. But NOPE, I WAS WRONG. 

All people do is use me and then try to talk about me behind my back. I say try because somebody either cause they don't like how ppl be doing me or they being messy, gone make sure I find out. I want to feel protected, loved and respected by the people around me. 

I said all that to say, my friend who showed back up in my life came by just to thank me for being there for her when everybody else around her gave up on her. When she needed a place to stay where she could feel comfortable and be herself, I was there. But even more than that, she was always there for me too. Always protected me. I'll never forget her asking me why I let certain people even talk to me. I'm so fucking happy for her and her personal journey of going out there and getting it for herself and her family. She gives me hope for myself to have a good life full of love, money, freedom, and family that believes in me. 

Its so sad to me that I know for a fact if I had more support early on in life and a love life that didn't bring so much stress and trauma in my life, I would be much further. Cause I wouldn't have to focus so much on tryna pull myself out of these dark spaces that people put me in and that I allowed myself to stay in for far too long. But I was hurt. I can't deny it. I still can't believe it but I'm over it enough where I'm not crying and sad all the time BUT it still affects me because I'm afraid to love and let others love me. I don't trust myself or others anymore. Most days I just want to curl up into a ball and not necessarily die but I want to be left alone. 

I had this vision the other day of me laying in the walkway space of my living room and kitchen. Just laying there with people stepping over me. And its basically exactly how I feel about my life right now. I'm stagnant. I'm literally doing nothing while everyone else is moving along as if I do not even exist. I appear to be dramatic by laying out on the floor like that but really I just want somebody to notice me. To see me. To want to help me. To at least maybe ask Am I okay? What's wrong? Maybe even somebody who wants to help me be happy and keep a smile on my face instead of it always being about me bringing the joy in people's lives. 

Being smart and able-bodied only made people look at me like I did not need any help or if I did need help, they refused to help me because they again felt like I didn't need it because I would figure it out. I never think negatively because even though a lot of people around me have showed me their true colors when it comes to me, I still refuse to believe it. And I think its because I have to believe in goodness of others or I will really give up on humanity and myself. I don't see the point of living in a world where I have to watch my back everywhere I go with everyone I'm around because at any given time things can change and I can be put in a bad position without ever seeing it coming and sometimes, not being able to do anything about it but suffer through it. I've been suffering enough. I'm over suffering at the hands and ignorance of others. It truly makes me not want to give a fuck about anything. 

If people get to choose to be horrible human beings, and if I don't choose to be horrible with them, then I'm the one getting walked over, done dirty, disenfranchised, disrespected and treated as if I don't matter. And I don't be wanting to be mean or even raise my voice at people but I literally have no other choice in this world because I refuse to be a doormat. I refuse to be a silenced woman. I refuse to live a life where people control my emotions and damn near wellbeing all because I want to be a lover. I take pride in being a lover and provider and fun person. And people hate me for it even though deep down, they appreciate me because its not too many people willing to go first when it comes to love and respect. Everybody waiting for their moment to shit on somebody else and its sad. I want better for myself and others but the only person I can control is me. 

So that's what I'm on these days. Which brings me to my love life where men believe I don't care about them or love them enough when in actuality, they won't even take the time to get to know me or try to see me in a light outside of themselves. And I hate that for me. I literally have an entire existence that gets ignored when it comes to men. They only see me as what I could do and be to them. Its sad and sick. Because I'm starting to believe the only way Imma find love is through being fake and using someone for my own selfish needs. That's what love is these days. And maybe that's what love always been but it has to be more to it. 

There has to be people in the world who bypass disrespect and dishonesty and choose love and being real with themselves and others. I want to believe this, I really do. And I thank my friend for being someone who showed me that good people do still exist in the world and we are still winning too. Not without a severe fucking fight it seems but that's where the blessings come. And I just hope God has me on the list to be blessed to live financially, proverbially stress free life full of joy and happiness. All that other stuff not my ministry and I want nothing to do with it anymore. I've had enough. 

Prayers Up!

I just submitted a grant application to receive some kitchen equipment to start my bakery business through a local program. I pray to God, the universe, my guardian angels, and ancestors are on my side to make sure I get awarded that opportunity. 

I have a brick and mortar location in mind but if that doesn't work out for me, I can start as a home-based business. I don't usually ask for much but if anybody reads this, please put in a special prayer for me. I believe in myself and I have been working hard/smart. I'm tired of struggling. I want more for myself and I don't want to have to spend the rest of my life trying to get it. 

I just need one good opportunity to make things happen for myself in a way where I do not have to worry about things falling apart because of people around me being jealous, acting funny, making me out to be something I'm not. This new idea of mine would allow me to do everything I want to do and get paid for it. 

PRAYERS UP TO ME! 

7 years later.

It is 8:27 am, Monday, February 9, 2026. I am currently at what I would consider my new job. I started in January 2026. I work in Special Education at my hometown high school. I left my former job in Economic and Community Development because it was exhausting working in a field where I could actually affect change but the people in charge have no sense of vision, community or working collaboratively. They truly believe that getting together and talking about the same thing over and over is how things get done. It was also apparent that there was no intention of even trying to assist local residents, much of whom are African Americans and living in poverty stricken conditions. There is a huge separation within the community and its sad to see no advocacy for the generational and legacy residents of the community.

Long story short, the people responsible for community and economic development in my local community are not concerned with developing the community or supporting small businesses. They are also not interested in innovative or creative ideas that support community artists and skilled trade workers. They want to copy other communities in the hopes it works for us, as well. And the reason it will not work is because we do have the same opportunities as other communities because we are a rural area.

Even longer story short, the white people are allowed to STILL be racist and discriminatory because none of the current African Americans who are elected officials or local government workers will stop them. Our Main street communities are significantly underdeveloped because property owners are extremely selective who they will lease or sell to. Or when they do sell, the buildings are overpriced and need lots of foundational and structural work. 

Grant opportunities and small business resources are only given to businesses that property owners want to support. Unless you are willing to struggle through expensive rent/lease situations, or purchase an overpriced fixer upper, which is a horrible business decision you will not make it far in my town. Unless you are in with the white people and others the white people have let in who own all the land and property and political power. 

So now I am currently trying to figure out how I can get black people in this area with money or means to work together and start doing everything we can to build up our own communities and economies. If we don't start now while everything is still a work in progress, we will get left behind. They are not planning for us to be integral parts of the community they envision for my hometown in the future. They want to drive everyone out that they can so they can sell the Rural Living dream to city folks and have them come live here, work remotely and/or commute back and forth to Raleigh/Richmond. Or if we do get a train stop in my hometown, the possibilities of advancement is even greater. 

I'm not sure the black people in my community understand or see what is going on but it is already happening. They have upgraded a lot of the trailer parks in the area, upping the rent and requirements for living there. If your landlord sees the tags on your car are expired, you are at risk of losing your place to stay. Property owners are doing very specific things to keep certain people out of their property. It is not always African Americans but for the most part, the trailer parks here are filled with African American families, single mothers and kids usually. 

The trailer park communities are commonly alcohol and drug-filled and known for prostitution, and extremely dire struggle filled conditions where kids are often neglected and not provided safe, comfortable conditions or positive experiences. 

I have so much to get off my chest but this what is coming out now. I just can't believe that we have an all African American Board of Commissioners and all they do is ask questions and hold shit up instead of just approving things cause at this point, GIVE THE COMMUNITY SOMETHING!!!!! I mean DAMN. Its so many buildings, land, resources, grants, opportunities and shit that could really benefit my hometown but its a bunch of lazy ass, don't give a fuck, ass people working in positions that they don't need to be in. And I'm talking the government workers and local boards because they are the ones who are supposed to be putting in the time and effort to create community and economic development change. The only thing they good for is paying other people to come in and create a strategic plan for a community they only know about from what they heard. White people are who not even trying to get into poverty reduction or real community issues. 

And the worst part to me is if I was not working in this field I would have no idea how serious it is. And they will never tell us because they do not want us to get involved and start asking why is the focus not on the PEOPLE OF THE COMMUNITY first. They are doing their best to try and gentrify the community and I fear they will start taking people's land and property again KNOWING they can't afford the property taxes because they are barely affording to live. There are no high paying jobs in the area for locals. They recruit from the outside for most of the important or higher paying positions and if someone from my community who is African American and does have a Director or Manager position, they had to work or scam their asses off to get there. 

And once they get there, they so worried about somebody trying to steal their position, they never hire people around them who are necessary to getting the real world done. They hire people just as lazy, just as unbothered and just as status quo, don't wanna rock the boat, as them. There is no way real change will ever come from that. 

Hiring processes and workforce development of local rural communities make a very big difference in the landscape of the community and in the economic development. If you are not hiring people from your community or paying them wages where they can support themselves, then they will either find other sources of income through entrepreneurship or gig work, or they will seek employment in neighboring counties. Even with degrees and credentials, it is hard to find work in my community because people are gatekeeping, and picking and choosing their family and friends OR out of towners over qualified local workers. 

I think local workers should get first dibs and priority for the higher paying jobs in a community, especially local government, schools, and major industries. In order to build the pipeline from schools to work in a community, you have to have people who work, live and play there. THE LOCALS. They are working to get charter schools over the public schools instead of investing in building up the public schools that could be better, but everyone has accepted that the public schools are failing the students. Which from my observations, they are. But not because people aren't working or trying their best. Its because the teachers, staff, students and parents are not receiving the support they need from leadership, managers, directors, local government, regional partnerships, community organizations, non-profits that should be making sure each county in their designated area is receiving resources for people who need them. That is how you start building a community for the purposes of economic development. If the system is broken or lax, then that means people are not receiving what they need or could use to put themselves in better positions. 

People are making due with what they have and they don't know what they don't know. So many political leaders, regardless of race have no interest or idea how to handle outreach within the poverty stricken areas of the communities they claim to want to do so much for. They literally are just working jobs and do not understand the importance of the work they do. It is critical, essential, and people involved need to understand that smart people, program managers and program workers are necessary for that type of work. You cannot burnout, ostracize and/or disenfranchise the people who want to do the necessary work. These people need to be appreciated, compensated, and supported on all levels because they are the ones doing the work that will show the results leaders and regional partners are looking for. Until local stakeholders realize this, there will always be a disconnect between them and the community and local programs/resources/opportunities because the person who would handle the roles/responsibilities required to complete work once the strategic plan has been developed are rarely respected, compensated properly or they do not even exist because leaders and hiring managers do not fight to create necessary support positions, they expect people to volunteer. Or when they do create positions, the pay is so low and the work is heavy. Also local stakeholders and regional partners do not understand that once they develop or re-brand these programs or processes, they need people to do the work of starting the program, marketing the program, managing the program, staffing the program, finding program participants, retaining program participants, producing reports to show results of program, etc. 

I had only been working in local government within the Community and Economic Development for 1.5 years and it did not take me long to see that. It just goes to show that some people really do not need to be working in the public sector. Their ruthlessness and selfishness is not needed in service work. 

And that's my Meg Talk for today.