Thursday, September 4, 2014

Vent Session: Love Relationships

One thing about me that I know is I cannot be with a controlling person. I have always known that about myself and I make sure to let people know that I cannot be tamed.

First of all, if I'm in a relationship then I really like the person. I must have a good time with them and can see us turning it into something for the future if I even consider them being my boyfriend. I'm not the perfect girlfriend. I don't sit back and allow you to do things that I do not like and make excuses for it. If I have a problem with something, I will express it. I will do it right then and there and I will make a mental note if you chose not to do anything about it. I can usually get over most things, as long as they do not continue to occur. When something continues to occur that I have a problem with and you just brush it off like its nothing, then that creates an even bigger problem to me. So the next time its brought up, I'll probably be more angry about it because I feel ignored.

One thing I hate about my current love relationship is that the person chooses to antagonize me and make me feel like a bad person. So when I go off about shit, he plays the innocent role and will switch a story up just so he can WIN the argument. When shit wasn't even really an argument to me until he started trying to WIN the argument. If I can't express how I feel without it feeling like we're arguing then I can't deal. I really can't.

And its always something so fucking simple. If somebody brings up a topic to you and you ask a question and they respond "Don't worry about it. You don't need to know that." And so when I question why they even told me in the first, and they reply I just thought it was ironic. WHY BRING IT UP TO ME IF YOU'RE NOT EVEN GONNA TELL ME ABOUT IT? WHY? WHY? WHY? Especially when you know I hate that shit. That's so irritating to me. And then when I start going off about it and you start trying to shape the story to fit your story and I call you out on that shit too and then you get mad and say I'm always tryna argue and start shit. NO BITCH, you always doing dumb shit that start shit.

I just really cannot stand when somebody try and tell me what I'm doing. I'm me so I'm very well aware of the shit I do and 99% of the time when somebody try and accuse me of doing shit, it be the furthest thing from my mind. Another argument that started was because I erased a text out of my phone that contained a phone number I needed to call my boo, and couldn't call because I didn't have the number. The first thing I said to him was give me the number because I erased it out of my phone without thinking about it. And then I mentioned how if he got a phone like he said then we wouldn't have to jump through so many hoops just to talk to each other. And he took offense to that and said I tried to blame him for not being able to call him. I told you why I couldn't call. Its nobody fault because its not even that deep to even blame somebody. It wasn't a problem. I solved the problem by asking for the number but still didn't get it.

I'm just over dealing with dumb ass shit. I'm not an argumentative person but you not gone put no dumb shit on me just because of what you chose to think. Shit can get real and I think when I get like that people don't know how to take it because it does seem to come out of nowhere, but it rarely ever does. I just be so annoyed by the fact that if I'm telling you I don't like something and you continue to do it, then just leave me the fuck alone. Simple. I'm not about to keep reminding you about some shit I don't like. Imma just stop fucking with you because explaining myself to somebody who thinks I'm tryna control them will never end well.

I'm controlling when it comes to myself but people are allowed to make their own decisions and if I'm telling you that bringing shit up to me and then not answering me when I ask questions about it pisses me off and you continue to do it, why wouldn't I be mad about it? And why would you have a problem with me telling you about it?

And people always look at me like I act like I do no wrong but the difference with me is when I feel like I'm wrong, I will admit it. Or if I feel like something I did made you feel some type of way, I will apologize and try to fix it whether I thought I was wrong or not. But for somebody who always gotta be right or WIN in some way, I can't deal with. I hate that shit.

And people love making me look like the bad person but it always backfires in their face because I don't treat people badly. I don't even be thinking about shit like that at all. Most times I just be in my own world thinking about nothing forreal.

I'm just really at a point in my life where I can't stand a bunch of shit and it irritates my soul. I can't be with somebody who stay in everybody else business more than they in their own. Or somebody who swear they don't be doing shit and be doing some crazy ass shit. Or somebody who try their best to control me but its gonna backfire in their face EVERY SINGLE TIME. Play dumb with the people who you can get over on, I am not the one. I'm just over it.  And the bad part is I always feel bad after expressing myself. I always feel like I was wrong for getting upset. I always feel like I should have just let it go again but I be tired of letting shit go. If people would stop doing the fuck shit they do towards me it wouldn't be a problem.

I'm very go with the flow. Very chill and cool about shit. And a lot of shit I keep to myself instead of making a big deal out of it because I know how I can be nit-picky and I like things a certain way and I try to let people live. But you not about to inconvenience me so you can get your way. And then put it on me when I speak up about it and you say I'm always tryna get my way. If I don't speak up about it, what I want will never matter to somebody who only give a fuck about themselves.

I can't stress to guys enough, IF YOU WANT A GIRL WHO WILL DO WHATEVER YOU SAY, I AM NOT THE ONE. If you want to be in a relationship with somebody who you can beat in arguments and just gone shut up and bow down to what you say, I AM NOT THE ONE. If I'm so bad, just LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!!!

I know how to handle shit in a good way, but if you get argumentative with me, then why would I not get that way back. I guess the lesson in this is to learn how not to let people upset me so much. I'll just let them think what they want and move on. That is all I can do. I'm not gonna continue explaining myself to someone who doesn't listen to my explanation anyway. All they are waiting for is their moment to respond and explain. They don't want to understand. And that is fine.

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