(Sigh)

Im happy. Really. Its my One of my Two Bday weekends. I call this weekend the pre-bday celebration. Im gonna have major fun tonight without question. But I'm sitting around now basically wasting time and thinking about how if this would have been any of my friends birthdays they would all be looking at me to basically pull everything together to make their bdays fun. I plan the party, get everbody together, buy everything from the stores, pull everything together, make sure everybody is having a good time. I do a lot, not everything but A LOT more than everybody can say they do.

Now its my birthday and nothing. From nobody. Most of the people Im going out with tonight, I don't expect them to do anything. But the people who are suppose to be my real friends, the friends I do a lot for, nothing. For once I would like to be surprised. I would like to see what it feels like to have somebody do something for me. Not because I asked them to do it but just simply because its a good idea. Just because.

One thing I do like that I heard John McCain say, "If you have to ask, its too late." I don't want to have to ask, it doesn't have the same feel. I do a lot of things for people out of just being a nice person. Too nice if you ask me because I feel that I never get anything back in return. And its not that Im looking for any payback, but just once, it would be nice to just be able to relax. I have about two cousins who has ever done anything for me just because. We never have to ask each other anything. One of them has always been like that and the other one became that way in more recent years.

I feel like Im always complaining about my friends on here lately but its just some shit Im always thinking about. Im not saying Im the best friend ever, but Im all about a fair trade. I expect back what I put out. Not from everybody but from my friends at the least. But it is my pre-birthday, and regardless Im going to have a great time tonight. So all that shit I just said, FUCK IT...LOL. I can always find new friends, my 22nd birthday only comes around once in a lifetime.