Change of Heart

(Remember that show???)

Okay so this weekend, I met an old flame and missed my chance to rekindle. blah blah blah. But then I got to see him the next day, and realized why our flame was put out in the first place. Friday night he was SO DIFFERENT from what I remembered him to be. He said some stuff to me that was WAY out of his character. And since I haven't seen him in so long, I thought maybe he had changed. It was weird, I kept looking at him trying to figure out if he was drunk or something because THAT was not him.

But then Saturday, we meet up and a switch in conversation revealed why he was acting "different" the night before. So I was rubbing on his head and his chest and stuff, nothing major. I used to do it all the time because he hated it and I was doing it just to annoy him. He never liked for me to feel on him because he is skinny and he claims I have nothing to touch. But I like skinny guys, so it was cool. So as I'm rubbing on him he says...

Him: "Are you rolling?"

Me: "No. I don't pop pills"

Him: "You know when you rollin, you wanna feel and touch everything"

Now granted I was a little drunk and possibly high, But I was NOT Rollin...

Me: "Naw I don't pop pills, I'm too scared for that"

Him: "Oh. I was rollin last night. My boy gave me a ex pill and I took it. It took me like an hour to get home last night I was so fucked up, especially after I smoked."

Now when he said this it all hit me.

Me: "So thats why you was saying all that stuff to me last night that was so not you. I knew something was wrong with your ass. I thought you was drunk but you was too calm to be drunk, and a little too happy happy joy joy to be high."

Him: "Yeah I was Fucked up"

Okay, I'll just end the conversation there. He was completely sober that second night and he was acting just like the person I remembered. And it took me right back to why I stopped talking to him in the first place. We would never get anywhere in a relationship. He is not boyfriend material for me even though I think he is the sweetest guy I've ever talked to. So my thoughts of rekindling an old flame are over. Whew!!! that was fast huh? lol

I Missed My Chance

To rekindle with an old flame. I had the chance. It was RIGHT THERE in my face last night. I mean RIGHT THERE. Like I literally had the ball in my court and what do I do? I DROP IT. Well maybe not dropped it, but more like how in Love & Basketball when the girl was punished for keeping her hand up after making the shot. I was blinded by something else that I completely let him slip away. DAMN DAMN DAMN...

Good thing about it is that I have a way to get back in touch with him. I guess. I have his number but Im not the calling type. So I don't know how that is gonna work. MAN, I kinda regret last night but it may have been for the good. I kinda played the "I still kinda like you, but I'm not on your shit" role. But I'm not sure if thats how it was interpreted by him. He probably thought I didn't give a fuck. Oh well, we will see what happens tonight. Wish me luck.

OMG!!! This is INSANE!!!

A Dayton, Ohio woman will spend the rest of her life in prison for cooking her 28-day-old baby in a microwave oven after fighting with her boyfriend.

Judge Mary Wiseman sentenced China Arnold, 28, to life in prison without the possibility of parole.

“No adjectives exist to adequately describe this heinous atrocity,” Judge Wiseman said. “This act is shocking and utterly abhorrent for a civilized society.”

Arnold told prosecutors she intentionally placed Paris Talley in the microwave and burned her alive after arguing with her live-in boyfriend. The argument was over the paternity of the baby.

Arnold’s first hearing in 2005 ended in a mistrial after a young witness came forward to say he saw an 8-year-old boy take the baby into a nearby apartment and heard the microwave go on.

The witness said he later saw the burned baby in the microwave oven.

Arnold was convicted of aggravated murder in her second trial last month after the boy’s mother testified they were not in Arnold’s home on the day the baby was killed.

Arnold, who has four other children, waived her right to be present in court during her sentencing hearing on Monday. Instead, she watched the proceedings on a monitor in a side room.

Judge Wiseman rejected a plea from Arnold’s lawyers to allow for parole after 25 years. Arnold’s lawyers said their client’s former cellmate changed her previous testimony.

The cellmate originally testified that Arnold told her she microwaved the baby because she feared her boyfriend would leave her if he found out he was not the biological father.

A jury last week spared Arnold the death penalty when it couldn’t reach an agreement on the sentence.

A sentence from my Social Problems textbook

"Both Latinas and African Americans women are more likely than white women to work in service occupations such as private household workers. Although private household work has become less common among African American women in the last two decades..."

It made me think about the time I was looking for a job and someone at Career Services at my school suggested that I apply for one of the numerous housekeeper jobs located throughout the town where my school is located. The conversation went something like this...

Counselor: "There are alot of housekeeper positions that you could apply for."

Me: "Housekeeper, as in maid?"

Counselor: "Well....yes."

Me: (laugh) naw thats aight. I'll just starve.

I was NOT that desparate for a job, and I never will be. She must have been crazy if she thought I was gonna be cleaning up after some white people everyday. She must have never heard the details of slavery. I refuse to partake in any slave-like activities. Martin Luther King fought too hard for me to be working as a maid in some white persons house.

Janet is Wild...and I LOVE IT!!!

She freaked him. GOOD. I bet money he nutted on himself.

Makes me wanna go to a Janet Jackson show and see what other type of things go on there.

I'm Slacking ALREADY

I need some motivation TERRIBLY. I'm not behind, I'm just not ahead as I had planned to be. (sigh) Guess some things never change. I can't seem to get into my schoolwork. I can do it, no problem. I just don't seem to care about it. And all my classes are interesting enough to me where I find myself reading more than I have to. I probably could sit down and read my textbooks in one sitting, thats how interesting the classes are.

However, I can't seem to get into the idea of due dates, doing discussion board postings, studying for quizzes, and all that other "extra" stuff that comes along with taking classes. I so wish I could just learn for the sake of learning. I'd probably do much better. Because learning for tests only make me do just that--learn just enough for the test. I think after I get my degree, I'm going to continue to take classes, but I may just audit them. Where I will take them for personal enjoyment and no grade. Some say its a waste of money, and I agree. But shit, I have a friend with a $100,000 forensic science degree (which she paid for in loans that she is going to have to pay back) and she graduated in May and still does not have a job. Now that is a waste of money to me.

And that made me think about all the people who ask me what my major is and I say "Sociology" and then they always ask, "so what are you going to do with that." And I'm like, "I'm going to graduate with it." And then they all look at me crazy, so I change my story to "Oh I'm probably gonna go to grad school, get my masters, and maybe my doctorate one day since I am a Gates Millenium Scholar and they will pay for my schooling." That answer always gets people off my back. But I have no true intentions to do anything with my sociology degree specifically. I don't necessarily want to be a social worker, I would. But I don't really want to go back to school and get my masters just yet, if at all.

So I guess next time somebody asks me what I'm going to do with my degree I will say, "I'm going to use my degree to get an entry level job that I know I could do without my degree but they require me to have it. Then I will work my way up in the company, and save enough money to pay off debts and build my credit back up. And then hopefully be able to quit and start a business or some type of venture on my own. With my own rules, own time, own money, ALL ME." Then they will probably ask, "What type of business venture?" And I will respond, "I'm not sure yet. Maybe a strip club, an arts and craft shop, or maybe I can make a documentary of me traveling the world passing out free condoms, and other forms of birth control. Who know? But I know I will love doing it, whatever it is."

I can imagine the blank stares and "oh's" I will get from that answer...LOL.

Rich People have it SO Easy...LOL

This is MY SHIT!!!!

I Love GoGo!!!

My Week Run-Down

Thanx Sam...And I did!!!

Started my other two classes this week. They shouldn't be too bad, so thats great. I just have to stay on top of things.

I went to work 2 out of the 5 days.

I got a second job. Although temporary, I will love the money it will bring.

I got a call to come in for an interview for what would be a 3rd job, but I probably won't take it now. I gotta focus.

I made Chicken Fajitas, Fried Shrimp, Chicken Tenders, Breakfast Casserole(potatoes, onions, green peppers, sausage, ham, cheese), BBQ Cheeseburgers, Cubed Steak and some other stuff I can't really remember. I love cooking now.

I went to a party Friday with a couple of good friends. Had a Blast. Some dude passed out from being too hot and too drunk. And I didn't have a hangover the next morning. YAY ME!!!

I got my house phone and internet service today.

I probably won't be doing too much today, but if I do and its worth talking about, I will.

Isn't that Chameleon Cute?

The takeover, the breaks over, homie, God MC, ME, J-HOVA...

That has nothing to do with what I came here to write, it was just on my mind, so I decided to write it. What I came to talk about is Chameleons. Not necessarily the animal, but the metaphorical use of the term chameleon to describe a person. Lets take a look at what Wikipedia has to say about describing a person as a chameleon...

"When a person is described as chameleon, the reference to the animal is generally a commentary on the person's ability to blend into various social situations, often to mean the person has no true values, or that he quickly abandons them in company if it's convenient to do so."

Lets now take a look and pick apart this descriptive definiton. A few key phrases I would like to go in-depth about are "no true values," "abandons," and "convenient."

No True Values

In my experience people who act as chameleons don't really have any set values that they live their life by. A person could pretty much convince them to do just about anything. I don't mean anything drastic such as killing someone, but something that really bares no extenuating consequences, yes.

Abandons & Convenient

It is almost certain that a person with chameleon like qualities will no doubt take the opportunity to abandon you if the situation is convenient for them. Because I have found that they usually don't care about anybody but themselves. They may appear as friends, as long as it is of some type of benefit to them. But when they see an opportunity that they think is better than what you can offer them, they are quick to leave you high and dry, usually with no explanation.

Conclusion

I, on the other hand, have been taught, or either through experience, have been conditioned to think of others, as well as myself, when in situations where both people matter. I would never do anything without asking if my accompanying party is comfortable with the decision I am making. Because I believe that if you're with me, you should at least be comfortable. And I will go out of my way to ensure your comfortability(?). Or if you're with me, I would never put the needs of myself before the needs of everyone as a whole. But I will also let you know what you're getting into with me from the beginning so there will be no surprises. I am a fairly consistent medium emotion person. What you see is what you get. You can expect that how I was yesterday is going to be how am I tomorrow, and every day after that. And I've had to learn that not everybody is like that.

So in conclusion, I've come to recognize the chameleons who I've let into my life, even if only for a glimpse (Even though I rarely give anyone outside my family and good friend the full screening).

Advice

Nobody can view themselves as other people do (I wish we could though). You can only hope that you have people around you who aren't afraid to let you know when you are stepping outside of your boundaries. (my mom takes on that role for me) But thats rarely the case. So just as a tip, its okay to think about others sometime. I faithfully live by the rule that I live for me, and not anybody, and that I am the only person who really matters to myself. BUT I do live with other people in the world, and I like people, and I like people who like me back. So to make people like me back, I treat them as I treat myself. With concern for their feelings and well-being. Nobody likes to have their flaws thrown in their face, but the sooner you recognize that you're not being the best person you can be, the quicker you can make the effort to change it.

In other words, Nobody likes a selfish ass bitch/nigga. So Stop It.

I Was Propositioned This Past Weekend

A friend of mine asked me to have a threesome with him and a girl that he knows would be down to have a threesome with us...

My first reaction was: "Who is the girl?"

He tells me her name and then I realize that I've seen or heard that name before. It is a girl that he currently talks to or has sex with, whatever. But he doesn't know I know of her. (His text message alert went off on his phone and we have the same ringtone for texts and the same phone so I thought it was mine and without really looking at the phone, I saw a text from a girl that read "hey babe, you didn't call me back...blah blah blah")

Second Reaction: "Have you fucked her?"

His answer was "No," and then I asked again, "Have you fucked her?" His second chance answer was then changed to "Yes." Why he lied the first time, I don't know. But I did think it was kinda cute that he felt he should lie to me. But what he doesn't know is I know he has sex with other girls. He is not my boyfriend so he is allowed to do what he wants. I found it cute that he lied because that tells me he somewhat cares about my feelings. Or either he thought I was gonna spaz out if I found out he was fucking some other girl. SO NOT MY STYLE. And it was obvious that he had sex with her before because if he didn't then he wouldn't have been so sure that she would have a threesome with us. DUH!! I have to remind him sometime that I am NOT a dummy. I can put 2 and 2 together.

Third Reaction: "Call her up"

I said this only to see what his next move was going to be. Being that it was already like 5 am, he replied "No. Some people sleep at night, unlike you." HILARIOUS. And then he proceeds to tell me that he is a freak, (like I didn't already know that), and that he wants to have a threesome before he decided to "settle down."

Fourth Reaction: "I'm not having a threesome with you."

This probably broke his heart. But my reasons for saying No to him make sense to me. For one, having a threesome with a girl that he talks to would be awkward for obvious reasons. If we both talk to him then who gets to stay once the threesome is over? And Im not leaving, and we're both not staying cause he is NOT a pimp, and I won't give him any more bragging rights than a threesome would already give him.

Then he was just a little too excited when I didn't instantly shut down the idea of a threesome. I'm not a prude, so if I were to ever engage in a threesome, I would rather it be with a Boyfriend or someone who is damn near my boyfriend (without the title type thing). And he is NOT currently anything close to a boyfriend, even though we act like boyfriend/girlfriend when we are around each other. I don't know, he was just TOO excited.

In Conclusion

I have a rule that when dealing with guys who aren't my boyfriend, I can't give them too much. You can't get ALL the perks at once, you have to earn them. Because if we do everything that boyfriend/girlfriends do without actually being BF/GF, then he will feel that theres no need for him to "settle down" with me. I let him know that I like him, and that Im not on his shit either. I do this by going home with him when I leave the club, but also letting him know how many times I gave my number out that night. Or I answer my phone whether he is around or not, but I don't talk long so I remain respectful. Or if I have to, I do the "Super Ultra Ultra Sexy" thing where I get all dolled up to go out, making sure that he sees how Sexy I'm looking, and show him he shouldn't take all this fineness for granted. But then I do things like fix him breakfast, give massages, all the sweet stuff. But not spoiling him, just giving him a taste of what he could have.

And point blank, I think a Threesome would be spoiling him. So until we advance in our relationship, No Threesome action for him. Sorry boo.

Tsk Tsk Tsk Jordin Sparks

For even letting a statement like this come out of your mouth...

"I just have one thing to say about promise rings. It's not bad to wear a promise ring because not everybody, guy or girl, wants to be a slut."

Wear your promise ring hunny!! Wear it proudly. In fact, props to you for even committing to something like that with all the fine sexy men gracing this earth. You don't know what you're missing. But I digress...

I take offense to this statement because I never wore a promise ring, and I never made the committment to not have sex until marriage, but I AM NOT a SLUT. Well at least I don't think I am, some hoes I know would beg to differ, but fuck them. Again I digress...

But having sex doesn't make you a slut sweetie. It makes your butt bigger. LOL. Naw I'm playing, I'm not sure if thats been proven yet. But your decision to not have sex DOES NOT make you any better than someone elses decision to NOT have sex. The people who make the decision to have sex for the wrong reasons and make bad sex decisions make the people like ME, who chose to have sex for the right reasons look bad.

But since you've never had sex I can't expect you to see my point that Sex can be great. So I won't even go into detail about it. But I will say that I know you're probably doing the whole promise ring thing for religious purposes and I respect that. Some people just chose to go a different route. You know God looks down on you judging other people by their actions too right? I don't judge you. And you shouldn't judge me because I have to test drive my car before I buy it. I'm just saying...

God Knows I love him. He knows I want to do the right thing. And when I don't he forgives me and loves me the same.

A Fellow HomeTowner

http://www.andrewmarlin.com/

Cool Ass White Boy if I do say so Myself...

He has this song that I remember hearing at my brothers house probably 2 years or more ago, that is just beautiful. I wish I could remember it. Because it was absolutely beautiful. And theres this other song too. Damn, I always hear his music playing at my brothers house. Maybe I'll get the CDs from him one day and actually find out what they are. But I wish Andrew much much much success, not only because we are from the same town, but because he is a great musician. If you like that folk/acoustic/guitary music feel, you'll love him. I've been trying my best to catch one of his shows, but I blame my brother. He never tells me until its too late. I think because he doesn't want me to go with him, but its cool, one day.

Great Smoking Music (If you Smoke)

I Heart Shwayze.

My New Favorite White Girl

Katy Perry

Her Music is Lovely.

(well all the songs that I've heard so far)

MoveOn.org Political Action

$8 Obama Shirts

In an effort to registering half a million young voters in swing states, MoveOn.org is almost giving away Obama t-shirts at the smallest donation of $8 to their young-voter registration program.

FINALLY!! I've hit the $100 mark

Trying to make money off of Google Adsense is hard when you don't really wanna put all those irrelevant ads all over your blog because it makes your page look extremely messy. And being someone who enjoys controlled abstractness, and symmetry, I can't do the whole "Click my ads and make me money" thing all over my blog. So I kinda forgot ALL ABOUT Google Adsense.

Until about a week or so ago, I checked it and saw that I had made like around $80 since Decemeber 2007. SLOW PROCESS. But I'm like shit, I've made it this far let me see what i can do to boost my money making without having to go ad crazy. So I added the Youtube video unit to my blog. Then I forgot about that too.

Until yesterday, when I decided to check and see how it was doing, and much to my surprise, I was past the $100 mark. Which means Google is going to be sending MY BLACK ASS a CHECK!!! And it will be just in time for Thanksgiving. hahaha. Which in comparision to now, is kinda long ways away. But whatever, I can wait on free money. No biggie. And I'm not sure how much of the $100 I am actually gonna receive being that I had to fill out tax forms and all that shit. So we'll see...Google I need at least $50, so I can get a Turkey and feed my family for Thanksgiving...LOL...OK maybe not, but a sob story never hurts.

N.E.R.D is coming to NC

October 3rd @ NC State

I'm tryna be there...TRYING...

An Eventful Weekend

I went to my current favorite place this past weekend to celebrate 50 years of life with my uncle. I had major fun. I got dressed up real cute and had a great time.

My cousins and I also hit up the club, Love. We were EXTREMELY late arriving to the club. I think we probably got there at like 1:30. But we partied hard once we finally made it in there. And that night I continued the party at a friends house.

A few choice phrases of the weekend...

"I'm not driving onto an island"
-said while driving around DC lost as hell

Cousin: "Whats wrong with you? You look like shit"

Me: "I know. Im suffering from the after effects of a Champagne Chronic Nightcap"

-Sex, Alcohol and Weed should NEVER become one. Separately they are great things, but together BAD...VERY BAD...LOL. Especially the next day...BAD BAD BAD.

A conversation with a 4-year old

4 year old: "ILLLL...you eat animals?"

My other cousin: "Yes, you do too. You eat chicken, thats an animal"

4-year old: "Oh. So do you eat horse?"

My other cousin: "No but I guess you could if you wanted to"

4-year old: "Well what is horse???...Meatloaf???"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA...I literally almost choked and died laughing at this. Kids say the darndest things...BTW, I loved that show. Bill Cosby should bring it back for one more season.

Just for smiles.

Quote for Today

“Be not afraid of greatness. Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon ‘em.
- William Shakespeare

This quote is hilarious to me because I remember being in my High School Honors English class and we were talking about this quote, and my teacher was asking what we thought it meant. Like if there were any underlying meanings. And nobody said anything, and then he explained to us how alot of times Shakespeare would make sexual references in his works. So then we thought about it and everybody laughed. Because in other words...

"Be not afraid of greatness. Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some fuck great people."

And I just remember another sexual term that we laughed at in class. (remember back in high school talking about sex was funny LOL) Deflower, which simply meant, to have sex with a virgin.

Bourgeoisie vs. Proleteriat

In other words...

Capitalist Class vs. Working Class

I'm taking a Sociology class called "Social Problems" and this week we are talking about Wealth and Poverty, U.S. and Global Economic Inequalities. And while it reads as long, drawn out and boring, it is actually extremely interesting because it is SO TRUE.

I would have to agree with Karl Marx and greatly attribute inequalities in relation to poverty as a result of the capitalist class exploiting the working class.

Because how many times have you seen people who are "in charge" of something and you're thinking, "This person is an idiot. I can do WAY BETTER than them." Well I don't know about you but I say this all the time.

The working class gives the capitalist class ALL their wealth, power and prestige because without them working for them, they wouldn't be able to provide the goods and services to the economy. I know exactly how the working class feels because DUH, I'm one of them.

And especially from my experience of working in a Revlon factory for 4 days this summer, I feel their pain. Because I absolutely HATED that job, hence the reason I only worked for 4 days. But no matter how many people quit, they always had people there to replace them. And working that job somehow made me realize that I do not want to be apart of the working class forever. If I have to work for somebody, I want to work for myself. Or at least be doing a job that I want to do and love. I find myself thinking about even pulling an "Into the Wild" (but not as extreme) and just bum my way around the world for a few years. Just so I can experience being on my own and not having to answer to anyone but myself.

Because in this capitalist economy, I don't believe that nobody is anymore qualified to do something than you are. Some people just have better opportunities and life chances than others. Chris Rock said it best (paraphrased extremely) "While a Black C Average college graduate can barely find a job in this economy, a white C Average college graduate can have the ultimate job, President of the United States." (he was referring to Bush) And its not because he's white that he is the president, its because he comes from a family of money that could give him better opportunities and could pull strings to let a dummy like Bush become President.

Which got me to thinking that in this time we like to blame alot of things on race but in actuality its all about money. But because white people are the ones with the bulk of the money, and black people are the ones without, it gets played as a race card. And from a Foundations of Education class I took, I learned that white people normally have what is called "old money" (Money so old its growing white hair- lil wayne) which is the best type of money you can have because you can't get rid of it because its constantly making more money. And again, back to Chris Rock, he talks about being rich and being wealthy (in one of his old stand up shows) and how you can't get rid of wealth but you can throw away being rich in one fun summer and a drug habit. (Then he said "Look at Rick James" RIP)

And while Chris Rock made a joke out of this it is true. And then my teacher from my education class goes on to talk about how these new people such as rappers, actors, doctors, lawyers, and professional types have what he calls "new money." Money that was acquired from a skill that they naturally have or was acquired through some sort of training or schooling. And how this type of money can be passed on generations but it can also be fucked up if you have one fuck up kid who wants to party all the time, and get loose with the money, or somebody who makes a bad investment. Look at MC Hammer, Mike Tyson, Vanilla Ice, all people who had millions and had to file bankruptcy.

But Im guessing new money can become old money if you make the right investments. Like if you created a product such as Johnson and Johnson, or you acquire through some means the ability to have your chain of restaurants. But you have to have money to make money, which brings me back to the working class and how most times they are barely making enough money to live, which leaves them no incentive to become part of the capitalist class. Their lives are focused on the now and what is, and not the future and what could be. And I wish I could do something about it but, again, I'm poor too. My only chance of getting out of the working class in the near future is the lottery which is a chance thats about 1 in a billion.

So as Im destined to be apart of the working class for a while, I am also determined to at least try to make my way into the capitalist class. Not necessarily one where I'm pimping the working class, but one where I can use my own skills to make money. It can't be hard because some of the idiots I see running shit (Cough- BET- I have to tell you my experiences with that "network" one day), I know for a fact that I can do it. Its just a matter of getting it done. Which for me, might be the hardest part.

A BitterSweet Moment

Dear Fun,

I am going to miss you dearly after this week goes by. Starting September 8th I have to officially be on my grind and therefore will not be able to experience your greatness anymore. It is definitely going to hurt me more than it will hurt you. It will be hard having to adjust being around my new friend Seriousness, because between me and you--that bitch is boring.

But don't worry, there will be days where I will sneak around and do whatever it is to see you again. There are birthdays coming up, Halloween (and we both know that is my FAVORITE HOLIDAY and it is always a great time for us), and whatever other reasons I may need to bring you back into my life to keep my sanity.

And you know I can't leave you without us having the time of our lives this final weekend. We're going to our favorite place to be and TRUST, I've got big things planned for us. Two days to wild out like never before. (tear) I don't want to get too mushy on you so I'm going to go now, and prepare for these last days with you. They shall be great...

Your Bestest Friend in the Whole Wide World,

Megan

P.S.- Things may seem bleek now but come August 2009 when I've gotten everything together, our return and reunitement will be inifinte times better than before. Luv Ya!!!